Funny Jokes Daily

Funny Quotes, Funny Pics, Funny Jokes, Funny Facts, Even A Few Vids! Just Doing What I Can To Brighten Your Day!

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

My iPhone could say that I have a voicemail from God and I still wouldn't listen to it.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

"Always drunk" sounds a little harsh, I prefer "selectively sober."

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Remember that at any given moment you are at least 50% of a hug

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Sure, you women *say* you don't need men anymore. But just wait until we start packaging tampons in tightly sealed jars.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Has anyone else ever realized that human babies are the only ugly babies in all the animal kingdom?

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

There has got to be female horomones in alcohol, because when I drink I talk too much and don't know how to drive.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Will you hold my drink while I go for a shit? #foolproofpickuplines

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

What did the one crab say to the other? Dang this woman's nasty!

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

That was your last piece of gum? #ImNotFallingForThat

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Retweet if you did.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

My new girlfriend said, "A small penis shouldn't be a problem in a loving relationship."...I still wish she didn't have one though...

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

You are so predictable, I bet you are reading my tweet right now.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Beer doesn't make me fat, it makes me lean...on the bar, and sometimes against the wall.

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

The best stories always start with "Hold my beer for a second"

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Haven't we all been here before....

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

I only drink on two occasions: When it's my birthday and when it's not

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading

[Duff Man @duffmanohyeaa]

Booze is the answer, but now I can’t remember the question

[Funny Jokes Daily @funyjokesdaily]

That moment when you're so pissed off, so you "K." somebody.