i don't think people understand how tiring it is to constantly wonder if someone actually wants you around or if they're just comfortable having you there because you've always been available
The concept of “jangan keliatan banget kecintaannya” or “dikurangi kecintaannya” tuh jujur gak pernah masuk di aku. Like why can’t we just love someone to the fullest? Kalau aku punya banyak cinta buat seseorang, kenapa harus sengaja dikasih setengah?
friendship should be mutual, kalau cm diri sendiri yg effort, banyak sakit hati, go cut off her/him ... sendiri ga bikin km terlihat kasihan :b (untuk aku jg sih ini)
Lucu ya, kalau diresapi lagi, ternyata selama ini gue bener-bener sendirian. Gue pikir lingkaran pertemanan gue luas, tempat mengadu gue banyak, dan nama gue cukup diingat. Tapi itu cuma ilusi. Gue cuma kenal banyak orang, bukan punya temen yang bener-bener tempat pulang. Sering banget gue ngerasa deket sama banyak jiwa, saling tukar cerita, tertawa sampai larut, tapi di ujung hari, saat riuh itu reda, gue sadar nggak ada satu pun dari mereka yang sudi jadiin gue prioritas. Not a single person would choose me first. Gue cuma ada saat mereka butuh penengah, pendengar, atau sekadar pengisi kekosongan. Begitu mereka selesai, gue kembali jadi sosok yang terlewatkan. Ternyata emang dari dulu gue tuh nggak pernah penting buat siapa pun wkwk, cuma gue aja yang ke-PDean ngerasa dianggap.
random thoughts, tapi kenapa ya orang yg gue anggep temen jarang punya inisiatif menolong gue….. gue terlalu keliatan bisa semuanya sendiri kali ya….. wkwkwkwk
sejujurnya kepikiran krn someone notice kl gw akan selalu kenapa napa kl bahas bagian itu wkwkwkwk ya lu ngomong sini dah hati gw lg luka lukanya gw akan nangis depan lu
i think beneran no contact after break up is the best way sih. isn't gonna be easy but this for the best. respect each other's partners. walaupun gw bilang aman aja liat dia temenan sama mantan, i lied i do get crazy jealousy
dipikir pikir iya juga ya i never been hugged for so long kayak gw tuh butuh support dan merasa ‘penuh’ aja gitu as a human being??? kyk pengen aja ngerasa beneran ga sendirian dan ditenangin secara langsung hahahahahhahahaa sorry skizo e kumat tp pls peluk gw dong
i hope you know how hard it is to handle it all alone, when anyone said you can share like when? who? why?
i hope you know how hard to accept that i have to feel all of this and handle it all alone, i hate that i beg you to understand.
i hope you all know how hard to keep and felt this way, to swallow any emotion just because not everyone capable and ready to hear, to not knowing who can make us better, choosing when you are not having any options, i hope you know how hard it is