stockholm syndrome, esq.

professionally distressed attorney/man about town

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

If someone doesn’t play my ribs like a xylophone at my funeral then what has been the point of any of this

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

Absolute sociopath

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

The Depraved Mind of Kevin McAllister: A Christmas Horror Movie

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

I love deleting and filing emails all day

Went to law school to become a glorified spam filter

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

It’s time to fuck... for America

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

“I like your table”

“Liking tables isn’t a personality trait”

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

This is exactly how I recite rap lyrics. Just say a few words here and there to convince yourself you “know the song”

[The Recount @therecount]

President Trump recites the Pledge of Allegiance at this morning's 9/11 commemoration in Shanksville, PA.

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

Getting the bros together and getting smashed on so many cactus packs that we collectively become one singular cactus aaaaand as I’m typing I’m realizing this is basically a plot to a Goosebumps book

[TRAVIS SCOTT @trvisXX]

CACTUS PACK 🍔🍟 https://t.co/AJ4e7OI3tq

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

Articles are important. An apple vs the apple. A government vs the government. A rapist vs therapist

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

using your squadmate’s dick like a snorkel for secret underwater missions

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

Me holding up a picture of a fish holding me

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

I hate it when magicians try to mix a little bit of comedy in with their tricks. Tricking people isn't funny

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

I will be taking coronavirus to court. That’s right mr virus, I am suing you for all the damages

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

Weighing my sandwich. Then weighing myself. Then eating my sandwich. Then weighing myself again to confirm I have consumed all of the sandwich’s essence.

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

I keep a piece tucked in my cheeks like Tarzan

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

Writing a series of essays about how this country has gone to shit and calling them “The Toilet Papers”

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

Opened my mouth to speak and no sounds escaped. Only cake

[stockholm syndrome, esq. @gavel_boy]

Called my broker and he said that the stock market is in fact cake

[James Webpage @Excuse_Haver]

I care a negative amount about the Washington DC football team name. I care so little that I carry a credit with them. They have to care about me now.