Andromeda

Citizen of the Internet. Player of Games. Creator of Jokes. Optimistic Nihilist. Listener of Podcasts Aplenty. Waster of Time.

[mustard clown @markydoodoo]

what if all food in the world came in various types of bags. and in odd amounts. like a little skittles fun size bag of peas. or a cloth satchel of lasagna

[A Small Fiction @ASmallFiction]

Most think of ghosts in the dark. On stormy nights.

Not sharing the lazy mornings.

The summer days. Dancing with the dust in the sunbeams.

[Andromeda @gavin_Weirdo]

The term “Rapper” is only used today because if they called themselves male singers they’d get the Gay. No further questions at this time.

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

mirrors sometimes do not display the right person

[Night Vale podcast @NightValeRadio]

Ask your doctor a series of coded questions with specific coded answers, and if she gets all of them right then hand over the flash drive.

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

jokes are very serious, and seriousness, in turn, turns out to be quite a huge joke

[Andromeda @gavin_Weirdo]

@fro_vo Right?!

[Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott]

Son: [pouting] I didn't get an apple watch for Christmas

Dad: we didn't use to have fancy apple watches. Know what we did have?

Son: our lo-

Dad: 𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖑𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖘𝖆𝖛𝖎𝖔𝖗 𝕵𝖊𝖘𝖚𝖘 𝕮𝖍𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖙

[mustard clown @markydoodoo]

a couch is like a chair limousine. the holidays makes me so lonely

[mustard clown @markydoodoo]

[being murdered]

me: you know this is illegal, right?

[Skeptoid Media @skeptoid]

#DailySkeptoid: Open mindedness is being willing to change your mind based on what we can learn through science.

[mustard clown @markydoodoo]

idea: black mirror ham sandwich. it’s like a regular ham sandwich but TWIST the sandwich is a computer and it eats YOU

[bill wurtz @billwurtz]

glue down the escape key, to escape continuously

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

Remember in Batman vs Superman when Batman was saying Superman is too powerful, and if we believe there’s ANY chance he might turn against us, we have to stop him?
That’s how I feel about Santa.

[kim @KimmyMonte]

i got 99 problems and each one is a bird my true love gave me for christmas

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

PROFESSORR: So, Attilla’s rise had a lot of unintended consequences.
ME: *Raises hand*
PROFESSOR: Yes, Andrew?
ME: Hunintended.
PROFESSOR:
ME:
PROFESSOR: Thank you, Andrew.