Luke St. Hilaire

married, runs a business, has a cat, likes to cook

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

Anyone know ways we could help the firefighters and low income families impacted by the LA fires?

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

@jonmcbirney This has never happened to me. Which means either

A. I look successful enough to already be retired

B. They saw me check that Pringle can in the garbage outside

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

@cox mobile, this is insane, i'm still on the phone with you guys, and they are just going to email someone to have a supervisor call me? 3rd time with this response? But still my phone line is off, and now i'm being told of over $200 in late fees? Seriously?

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

WTH @CoxHelp mobile. 2 months disputing charges, bill was supposed to be $90 a month & my bill is $500? 2 months of talking to the billing department, they say a supervisor will call & they never do, phone is now disconnected on my kids 1st day of PreK & school can't call me?

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

"ok if we put you on a payment plan, we can turn your line back on"
"how much for that first payment"
"$300"
"So $300 for what should have been $90?"
"Yes, can i get a credit card number please"

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

2am

DAAAAAAAAD!!!!!

*out of breath*
yea owen? you ok?

when a garbage truck goes potty, it needs a penis AND a butt.

*points at owen*
correct.

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

@JayKranda Haven’t needed a single firmware update for my N64

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

@bhurst Rancho Santa Mar-ghoul-ita

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

@bhurst La-scare-a Ranch

[The Stoic Emperor @TheStoicEmperor]

It is easy to craft a plausible narrative that permits us to believe our troubles are all the fault of others.

Easy to paralyze ourselves with bitterness and idle blame.

Taking responsibility for our condition gives us the will to improve it.

It gives us the strength to act.

[🐟 𝒈𝒂𝒍 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒏 🐠 @galgracen]

this is absolutely the worst solo i have ever heard by any instrument

[Julicorn @ChicksRule]

I want a Roomba that says “ouchie“ when it bumps into things and leaves snarky comments as it vacuums.

“Good lord, it’s dirty in here, Susan“

“Do I have to do everything in this pigsty“

“Well, if this isn’t your third bag of chips this week, Miss crumbs-a-lot“

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

My 8 week old son has taught me that to have a bowel movement you need to swing your arms around just right and make intense emotional eye contact with anyone in the room. I’ll be using this method from now on

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

Started cooking my Marie Calendars Chicken Pot Pie in the oven hopefully it’s done by lunch time Friday

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

What do dumpsters have that my kitchen doesn’t have, and where can I buy it

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

Here’s a question for all you so called “scientists”

I leave a spot of ketchup on my counter for 30 minutes, ants everywhere

Trash sits in a dumpster all week rotting in the sun, same apartment complex, no ants

Only logical solution is that ants are under the control of satan

[Luke St. Hilaire @GeckoLuke]

I kiss my 8 week old son’s forehead in the morning when I leave for work, and I always leave a little splotch of coffee that was in my mustache. This is my act of anointing his life. My wife is NOT into it