Generic Kiwi

A hoopy frood who knows where his towel is.
Non political, happy humanist.

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

A MISSIVE TO THE ETHER

Regarding the Increasingly Unacceptable Removal of Beloved Humans

TO: The Universe, Fate, Entropy, the Relentless Passage of Time, and Whichever Other Impersonal Forces May Be Involved

FROM: Those of Us Who Are Quite Frankly Getting Sick of This

RE: CEASE AND DESIST

Let it be known that we, the temporarily assembled atoms of Earth, wish to lodge a formal and emphatic objection.

We understand the arrangement.

People are born.
People live.
People die.

Entropy marches on, time is undefeated, biology is spectacularly badly designed in places, and the universe remains magnificently indifferent to our opinions on the matter.

Nevertheless.

Dolly Parton.

Tim Curry.

Peter Cullen.

This is becoming excessive.

These are not merely famous names being removed from the great cosmic noticeboard. They are voices, songs, characters, performances, memories and tiny landmarks in millions of individual lives.

They were there.

On our televisions.
Through our speakers.
In cinemas.
In childhood bedrooms.
On long drives.
At parties.
During bad years.
During wonderful ones.

They became part of the background architecture of being alive.

And while we accept that no person is exempt from mortality, we would like to point out that we have accepted quite enough mortality for the moment, thank you.

Therefore, this missive constitutes an official request to the Ether, the Cosmos, Probability, Statistical Inevitability, Random Chance and the Second Law of Thermodynamics:

KNOCK IT OFF.

No more beloved actors.

No more treasured musicians.

No more voices we could recognise from three words spoken in another room.

No more opening the news and immediately saying,
“FOR FUCK’S SAKE, NOT THEM TOO.”

Give us a minute.

Give the remaining legends some extraordinarily resilient arteries, cooperative cells, excellent medical care and an unreasonable quantity of good luck.

We ask for no miracles.

We invoke no deity.

We seek no divine intervention.

We merely stand upon this insignificant blue speck in an incomprehensibly enormous universe, shake one collective fist at the uncaring void, and declare:

THAT’S ENOUGH NOW.

The universe is under no obligation to listen.

But the complaint has nevertheless been lodged.

Signed,

Humanity

Currently unimpressed with the service.

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@BeetleBombTV @discord_support Oof, sorry to hear that fella.

And now we watch as the helpful bots roll in to try and sell you recovery assistance.

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@BenDooley8 Giggidy...

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

Bloody hell, so many bots... clearly not well trained enough to see that I said I got my account back!

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

So a handful of days ago (give or take) my Twitter account got hacked. The munters that took it over paid real money to get it verified, and in the meantime I managed to reclaim it, reset the password, add 2FA - and I still have the free blue tick they paid for!

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@sarg_nz I'm just appreciating the colouring of that mighty beard brother...

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@annikakes I also want them to have my money - do you think they'd deliver to Dunedin?

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@WeatherWatchNZ Look, I’ll share with you…

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@pinkstephness

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@pinkstephness I got it, but only by sheer luck and stupidity combining.

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@biggsintweets

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@livezformusic It's a mall kiosk bloody crime I tell you...

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

In what world is this a scone?

Floury cheese fritter more like.

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@livezformusic As a 50 something bloke who has a pedi once every couple of months - FU to dad, it's NOTHING to do with what anyone thinks, but how good it makes you feel! Twat!

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@MbarkCherguia Oxygen thief

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@dairymanNZ @katiestevenson_ Touché

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@dairymanNZ @katiestevenson_ Ah good sir... my true pedigree would in fact have you dropping your pie in disgust...

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@MatyMat01 That's the sort of thing I'd expect a robot to say...

[Generic Kiwi @generickiwi]

@MatyMat01 How can we be certain?