The Police

Not the actual police

[The Police @gmp24_0]

Just kicked out another audience member from the Tory conference because their phone made the Grindr notification sound. Please do not ask how I know what the sound is.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

@Andrew_Taylor Oh.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

@DJ_Matt_Black *checks Wetherspoons menu*

No.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

TIER THREE RULES:

If there are more than six of you at a gathering, you MUST provide us with a substantial meal before we can arrest you.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

Just arrested three ducks hanging out in a group. The rules are there for a reason, lads.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

Sorry for the absence. We forgot the password to this account. It was "999". Obvious, really.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

@SoozUK They are. And we know that because we are the genuine police.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

People who throw bottles haven't got the bottle.

[Darren Mc @dumbwitness]

@gmp24_0 ugly scenes at Printworks tonight. Why do people throw bottles?

[The Police @gmp24_0]

We have more followers than UKIP got votes. And we don't even tweet.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

@politifuzz We're currently busy watching Car Crash Britain: Caught On Camera. Soz.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

We don't update this parody account anymore because stuff like this keeps actually happening. https://t.co/FpYXpidOyO

[The Police @gmp24_0]

@Thiefree No.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

Merry Christmas. Don't commit any crimes please.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

That's right. Don't click links and delete. Don't delete it. But don't click it. It isn't real. This warning is. https://t.co/idcqucCK9z

[Greater Manchester Police @gmpolice]

If you've received a Notice of Intention to Prosecute email with GMP logo, please don't click links & delete. NIPs issued by post not email

[The Police @gmp24_0]

NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW NEE NAW

[The Police @gmp24_0]

The reason we don't update anymore is because the actual police became as ridiculous as us. https://t.co/IBuUaGGHod

[Cheshire Police @cheshirepolice]

CAN YOU HELP US? We’re looking for Charlie Clark, 25, wanted for failing to appear at court #AllWeWant

[The Police @gmp24_0]

Hey @MerseyPolice. Want us to take over your Twitter for a bit? We're actually quite good at jokes.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

Weird. Got an email saying that bestiality and necrophilia is legal now. That can't be right.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

Our cells are full of everyone we arrested for pinching and punching us yesterday.

[The Police @gmp24_0]

I don't think you did. https://t.co/12Z3xYk6CN

[Moon Wolf @RichKletsch]

I listened to @gmp24_0 on Bandsintown http://t.co/m9WxoB3Ive