collin

plz feed my delusions

[Lunix @SolLunix]

Corporation: "We made $4B but spent $3.9B so we only owe taxes on $100M."
Government: "Totally reasonable."

You: "I made $60K but spent $58K on survival."
Government: "You owe taxes on $60K."
You: "That's not—"
Government: "File by May 15."

[jake @wormpuller]

To the untrained eye I may appear retarded

[H @IfeanyiEmm34386]

Me: Do we have a doctor here?

Doctor: Yes, I'm a doctor.

Me: What's your specialty?

Doctor: I'm a doctor in Mathematics.

Me: My friend is dying.

Doctor: Minus one

Me:

[Roro ☃ @RoRoFli]

IT guy: So now you press any button to continue.

Me: *Presses power button.*

IT guy:

[Douglas A. Boneparth @dougboneparth]

Going off grid for awhile.

(Leaving my phone in the other room while it charges.)

[misa! @misak1nz]

goodbye $300 hello 3 groceries

[collin @gnuoynilloc]

Best thing at the gym is watching an out of shape man give unsolicited advice to gym newbies

[𝑱𝒐𝒓𝒐 @JoroJrn]

i be at the function accidentally agreeing w shit bc i cant hear

[tweet davidson @andyreed]

commenting “ai slop” on couples’ valentine’s day pics

[collin @gnuoynilloc]

People who pee all over toilet seats in an office should be subject to termination

[schizzy @crybabybuick]

We’re beating a dead horse later if you wanna join

[cav empty @cavempty_]

you’re in her dms. im trying to move a glass with my mind from across my room. i don’t know who either of you are

[Buck @BuckOnTwidder]

got a buddy who is praying for world war 3 so he can win $390 on polymarket

[ksa 🏴‍☠️ @kosa12m]

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𝗘𝗿𝗿𝗼𝗿
Your account is currently locked due to several reports made on your account for being Cool as Fuck. For more information please contact X Support.

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[cow @cowincrisis]

moo