Spencer Duran

The king of getting unwound

[isaiah’s bottom @metrosecksual]

at 17-20 you can drink ANYTHING. everclear, new amsterdam and paul masson just swishin around in ya tummy w a single mcchicken.

[char @chardonyay]

imagine ur card gets declined at the plastic surgeons office and they just

[Abbie @AbbieEvansXO]

One milkshake, one yard, and ALL the boys is a catastrophic milkshake/yard/boys ratio

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

bruce wayne really woke up one day and said “therapy is expensive, punching some guys is free”

[Spencer Duran @godquads]

@Kevin_Langi Oh shit I think I did that’s an OG spot

[Spencer Duran @godquads]

@Thompson9Billy Oh so this why you missing calls huh

[thomas 🍌 @perfectsweeties]

me: basically when u walk through a doorway your mind resets itself to take in new information causing u to forget what u came for in the first place

archduke franz ferdinand: so you dont remember why you time traveled here

me: i do think it was probably important

[Jon @ArfMeasures]

Co-pilot: you need to let the passengers know but keep them calm

Me *presses intercom* how fun is swimming?!

[Glenn @Shenaniglenns]

Little Caesar's CEO: we need a slogan

Me: pizza.

CEO: i do not like that at all

Me: that is fine, for i just had a far better idea

[RUTH BUZZI @Ruth_A_Buzzi]

Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law. It took half a century but Hippies finally won.

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

Sending emails to every place I’ve shopped for the last 8 years to explain how I’m dealing with the pandemic

[Dr Pessimus Prime, rat edition 🐀 @BigJDubz]

Hotel California reviews

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"Such a lovely place"

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"Plenty of room. Excellent check out"

⭐☆☆☆☆
"Can't leave"

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

great, more bad news

[Glenn @Shenaniglenns]

Don McLean: That’s the day the music died

Pitbull: *releases new album*

Don McLean: Actually

[paul walker forget about it cuh @A12120NA]

the world is healing