I think I’ve memorized my new debit card number within a week of receiving it, and the self-satisfaction I feel over it is nauseating and should be studied
Guys my Dr. Pepper addiction is back in full swing. I’ve fallen back in love with the good doctor. I had a pretty serious fling with Cherry Coke Zero for a while but thanks to a newly discovered aspartame intolerance, my first love has resurfaced #drpepperbaby#itsgoodandnice
Dude that moment when you’re like “man I really want pizza tonight” only to remember that you ordered pizza last night and therefore have leftover pizza for tonight 🙌🏽🍕
I think someone should cast Madeline Brewer and Dove Cameron as sisters in some sort of psychological thriller. They don’t look ALIKE, but there’s some common thread there.
If a genie granted me 3 wishes but they could only be weird, small, non-life changing things, one of mine would be that I never forget to order extra garlic dipping sauce at Papa John’s
Hey quick question when Celine Dion said “there were nights of endless pleasure, it was more than any laws allow,” what the fuck kind of sexy illegal escapades was she gettin up to
I really haven’t given this much thought at all, but I think if I could win a lifetime supply of anything, I’d want it to be Kleenex with lotion. I can’t believe how much of it I go through, I just spend so much frickin money on them tbh
I think it’s rude of Wordle to be like “Phew” when I get it in 6. Bitch, I still got it tho! You’re lucky I even still play you occasionally! I was only committed to you bc of your incidental relationship to the Mini and now that she wants to charge me you’re just a casual thing!
The texts between Conan, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman are hilarious. Conan lost both of his parents and somehow joking about Bateman killing them is so dark and yet such a sweet way to help a friend grieve.
I could make a lot of complaints about my dad. And I’m happy to. But I think watching reels on his phone at full volume while the tv is also loud is one of the things that makes this overstimulated gal want to tear her hair out.
.@Target needs to have a word with pretty much every grocery store about their paper bag design. How are they the only ones who nailed recyclable AND convenient? HANDLES, PEOPLE. I do not have the upper body strength to get all the groceries in one trip without handles on bags