steve

[adi ★ @sunxlrh]

still not over the fact that he will never be mine

[mir.i.am #PrayForSnooki @moll11y]

i’m a 9/11 last responder, i just arrived on the scene today. looks like it’s already been taken care of.

[asterix ★ is a jawbreaker ★ @mgcsjawbreaker]

everyone’s a kirk baby it’s a dream

[bree 卌 @sanrioclifford]

12AM ON TACO TUESDAY… BITCH!

[Calum Hood @Calum5SOS]

Anyone who pmo goes directly in the tank

[Kay 🏒🦦 @owkayyyyy]

my moon my man started playing randomly in public and i got activated like a sleeper agent

[Corporate Cowboy @cowboyexec]

low key charlie kirk is the harambe of this generation

[ell🏹🍒 @everdeenmd]

@CapitolTV please go bald again

[pinkie @pinkamaniaa]

oh ur a people pleaser? name 3 people that are pleased with you

[Amiri King @AmiriKing]

My toddler loves Monsters Inc. especially Mike Wazowski.

Yesterday I was in Walmart and came across this cool t-shirt.

I immediately bought it, put it on in the car, and rushed home to show my toddler.

I hunted her down as soon as I came through the door.

She was sitting on the couch watching Hogi and eating Goldfish crackers.

I said, ‘Libby check out my cool new shirt!’

I was beaming. I just knew she was gonna think my shirt was the coolest shit ever.

She looked at me, looked at my shirt, scoffed, and yelled, ‘GO AWAY!’

Listen.

I don’t think we talk enough about what huge pieces of shit toddlers are.

That’s literally my TV you are watching.
I paid for those Goldfish crackers.
That’s my fucking couch.

I bought this cool t-shirt ONLY because of you.

And this is your response you f#ggot piece of sh!t??

You are wearing a shirt with a turtle on it that says, ‘Turtley Adorable’ you fuck!ng idiot.

You are broke.
Homeless.
Have poor life skills.
You can’t even fucking speak English.

You are basically a Somali immigrant only brighter in complexion and with much less forehead mass.

I’ll wipe my ass with this shirt.

Fuck this shirt.

Bitch nigga.

Your mom is fat.

[Soapy🫧 @CaesarSaladluv]

If I was a pitcher during every mound meeting I would be asking everyone if they still liked me

[GORM THE OLD @GORMTHEOLD25]

Mama mia...

[rzua @_rzua]

was what we had real or cake

[FenwayAttendee @FenwayAttendee]

“You look happier” thanks my baseball team fucks

[Degen CPA @drewvento]

My ex would call me her passenger princess whenever she drove, but she was a bad driver so the princess I felt like was Diana

[Rooster Romano @RoosterRomano]

If the Dodgers played Israel in a baseball game, I’d be in the stands with a Yamaka on my head

[eva ★ @telephonebusyyy]

the b in boyband stands for big fucking budget

[woodchuck todd stan account @peakcinema]

I could never be a pitcher bc if i couldnt find the zone id just start fuckin crying