Kalimotxo

[Nick Hodge @_Nick_Hodge]

Pregnant women listen up: File for the stimulus for your fetus, and you either get paid, or Republicans will have to admit a fetus isn’t a child.

[Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman]

I present as a top but I’m a solid bottom

[Kalimotxo @GrilledQueso]

@lukethering one year anniversary of a classic album https://t.co/5IG4PSvHO0 support local music! #jazz

[Kalimotxo @GrilledQueso]

I never realized how useless my friends were at cooking until they’ve been forced to stay home. I’m shocked some have made it this far being so ill-equipped at basic food prep.

[Eugene Mirman @EugeneMirman]

Does the government have a plan for Record Store Day??

[Ben Rhodes @brhodes]

It's very strange in a democracy that a President can't be charged with a crime.

[Kalimotxo @GrilledQueso]

Pants labyrinth the story of a weird trouser leg

[Kalimotxo @GrilledQueso]

@KwikTrip Apparently eating your veggie trays can kill you, so until that’s sorted out you are the inferior gas station

[Neal Brennan @nealbrennan]

Just saw a commercial for some ecologically friendly product.

Nobody wants to hear this but the most ecological friendly thing you can do is just not buy anything.

HAVE A GREAT NIGHT.

[Kalimotxo @GrilledQueso]

@lfthering want to borrow my new record sometime?

[zakisbak(isbak) @zakisbak]

I’m too good at dancing to be single.

[Kellen @Krush59]

Paul Rudd turns 50 today. Stephen Miller is 33. That’s what happens when your heart is filled with racism and hate. Don’t be a Stephen Miller.

[Kalimotxo @GrilledQueso]

@lfthering I up charged myself for saying throbbing juices so many times the other night 😛

[Kalimotxo @GrilledQueso]

@zakisbak @lfthering Btw it’s really good!

[in the woods @anotherbogwitch]

The more I think about it, the more I love the premise of #TheBachelor - they've made a business model out of proving that given enough pressure, it only takes 30 options and three months to convince humans that they are deeply, passionately in love with a least one person.

[que cera cera @axtang]

I respect women way too much to have sex with them

[ACLU @ACLU]

Jeff Goldblum holding up a #FamiliesBelongTogether sign. That's it that's the tweet.

[birdsrightsactivist @ProBirdRights]

riddle me these,, Alexandira Occasional Crowtez:: if u luve the enviorment so much,, WHY DON'T YOU ARE MARRIAGE TO IT? Check. Mat.

[ACLU @ACLU]

📣 Immigrants' rights are not up for debate.