Mayo

[it’s just meera @meeracleshappen]

spotted an absolutely wild car today

[audrey farnsworth @audipenny]

(opening my god damn email) there better not be any god damn emails in here

[the elder emo @theelderemox]

me on November 1st

[Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc @JasonKPargin]

You have been sentenced to death by ginger gooch

[big challenges @pududeer]

*cranberries voice*

in my bed, in my bed
comfy, comfy

[Grey @sadbokkie]

this is the level of horny that mary shelley intended

[Ash @H1TWOM4N]

Someone: Ai is terrible and will ruin the world

Me: haha yeah *moves all the AI generated photos of Steve Harvey being chased by monsters to a hidden folder*

[chase @_chase_____]

decision paralysis is so funny. i’m like “do i want pizza for lunch or a burrito?” and my brain is like “actually i’d rather starve to death”

[Rachel @femaleredhead]

if i tell you my head hurts i don’t want you to ask me if i’ve had enough water. i want you to drop to your knees and scream “she doesn’t deserve this!!!” until god puts me out of my misery

[Janel Comeau 🍁 @VeryBadLlama]

hey sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave

[warm human @w000rm]

spring:
depressed in a hopeful way

summer:
depressed in a manic way

fall:
depressed in a nostalgic way

winter:
depressed in a depressed way

[Akeria The SCARLET WITCH Davenport @A_doubleC_D]

Y’all the ultimate scream just left my body 🤣🤣🤣

[Mohamad Safa @mhdksafa]

Overheard; "Not every single woman has a scary story about a man" Yes they do. I promise you that they do.

[trash jones @jzux]

they should do spotify wrapped twice a year. summer me and winter me are listening to completely different music. in fact we are completely different people

[rax ‘levon honkers’ king @RaxKingIsDead]

‘fruit has a lot of carbs and sugars’ one day you are going to DIE!!!!! you are going to be DEAD FOREVER!!!!!!!! eat the damn strawberries and shut the fuck up!