Half Cocked Mom

Just playing a daily game of survival of the fittest with my kids and husband. Winner to be determined. Therapy a probability.

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

My husband said I need to vent somewhere else. He said write a blog. So I made this. Figured my complaints should be cutoff at 140 letters.

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

My actual dream in life is to work out with @khloekardashian for a day. Literally, my actual #gymgoal .

[Courtney @Discourt]

So sick of making dinner EVERY single night... spoiled kids.

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

I've turned into my grandma. My steak was burnt and I complained, and I got a free steak. I guess she knew what she was doing! #neveragain

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

Apparently we have to get my 3 yr old in boxing. Her sister can pin her & gave her a black eye w/ her right hook.

She's 1 w/ anger probs.😑

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

100% me. https://t.co/WXT5ry5urR

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

Crazy how people get up at 5AM to work out. I won't even get up at 5AM to pee. I will just lie there in pain.

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

@heidimontag Braxton!

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

@OCLydia YASSSSSSS 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 favorite everrrrr 💕

[The Baby Lady @thebabylady7]

While scrolling I noticed someone from real life following me and I'm just not comfortable with that

*eye twitching

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

@kelly_eberle Awe! Haha I'll have to try that! If it doesn't work, I'm just sticking her in undies and letting her play outside to have accidents.

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

How I imagine @TheRock looking at @ZacEfron the first time he saw him without a shirt. My daughter gets it ha

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

YASSSSSSSS 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 #NoShameInMyGame https://t.co/LY1vCOVVcj

[Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues]

TV Guy: "Here's our subject in her natural environment, foraging for food."

*Camera cuts to me on the couch, finding an almond in my bra*

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

@kelly_eberle still not working out, had to get a new mattress (somehow ruined hers), and legit haven't slept since. It's only 4 days ago?!

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

Sometimes when my kids don't let me sleep, I turn into them and should probably be put in time-out for my tantrums.

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

My 3 year old was super excited to have hot dogs for dinner. Some days she's easy to please and doesn't hate me.

[SpacedMom @copymama]

Oh, you're sending your kid to a STEM-based camp? That's cool, I'll be spending the summer teaching mine to remember to close drawers.

[Jennifer S. White @yenniwhite]

A friend told me about her family's multiple vacations. I told her about a few of our pretty special Target trips.

[Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses]

You see, Karma is when you say your kids will never do this or that, and then life hands you an asshole of a child.

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

@khloekardashian What's a girls trip? I'm lucky if I get 2 doors down to my bffs kid free for 1 hour once a week! Legit never been on a girls trip #broke

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

Literally got rid of all the sugar and dairy in my house... I might die. That's about 95% of my diet.

Bonus, the 10 lbs I lost isn't so bad

[Half Cocked Mom @halfcockedmom]

Two kids in the same room for naptime... a football game is quieter 😩