Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal رحمه الله said:
“I wish to be in a mountain pass in Makkah so that I would not be known. I have been afflicted with fame. I long for death morning and evening.”
[Siyar A‘lām al-Nubalā’ (11/216)]
@arsalanahmedk Astagfirullah
It has clearly affected your imaan and soul
That's why you said something like this
May Allah guide me and you, and all of us
A man once said to Imām Aḥmad Ibn Hanbal (rahimahullah), “May Allah reward you for all you have done for Islam."
He (rahimahullah) replied, “May He reward Islam for what it has done for me.” Then he added, “Who am I?…”
[ad-Dhahabī (rahimahillāh), as-Siyar, 11:225]