Way Out Willie

Whether it's with me or AT me, I just wanna make some people laugh.

[Way Out Willie @hand_jive]

@soul_fister Damn. I wish I was your lover.

[Way Out Willie @hand_jive]

After a 7 month layoff, I've scrolled twitter for five minutes and already want to start drinking again.

[Way Out Willie @hand_jive]

I'm back, motherfuckers.

[Way Out Willie @hand_jive]

I just looked up from my phone while driving and was three states over.

[n2o @1evilidiot]

You really shouldn't pester someone to rt you. even if they have a high follower count they can't make your tweets better.

[n2o @1evilidiot]

I've been heating up my lunch for almost an hour on the wrong burner if anyone is in need of a genius.

[Way Out Willie @hand_jive]

I adopted a highway once and now it's all grown up and never calls ever since I told it I wasn't it's real dad.

[Marginal_At_Best @procharged94]

Sorry, ladies. I'm in a pretty serious relationship with Little Debbie.

[southpaw ☘ @_SetTheHook_]

If you ever hear me say, "Oh cool, cool", you can be sure I didn't listen to a fuckin word you just said.

[Mommy Meanest @SweetStaceyRN]

I haven't had anything funny to say in days. I'm going to stop right here so you can thank me.

[Way Out Willie @hand_jive]

Why aren't more things made out of cake :(

[Way Out Willie @hand_jive]

If you're bitten by a guy named Todd, how long before you turn into a Todd?

[Way Out Willie @hand_jive]

Sorry I missed your wedding. I was playing tug of war with this puppy and neither of us would back down.

[Bridger Winegar @bridger_w]

Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon

[Snorklhuahua @weinerdog4life]

The best part about the holiday season is all the beautiful women and their pumpkin spice farts.

[Snorklhuahua @weinerdog4life]

Imagine Bill Cosby trying to put a sweater on you while you sleep.

[Snorklhuahua @weinerdog4life]

Come on down to Radio Shack, we've got tons of shit on sale like this thing that plugs into this other thing, 4 VCR's, Gary, and batteries.

[@kingamir @kingamir]

All weather men look as if the strangled a hooker in the back seat of 1992 Nissan 240sx before going on the air.

[Baby Sumerian God @Ilovelamp1979]

Jeez lady, it's like you've never seen a man in the grocery store with his dick out before.