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Below is a quote from my PhD data provided by a clinical psychologist who works with families where one partner, usually a lawyer, doctor, executive or other professional, is a narcissist/psychopath subjecting the family to coercive control, a form of violence which is not physical. “The impact on victims is profoundly damaging and life threatening, even in those who are the victims/targets of those (narcissists/psychopaths/dark personality) who are higher functioning. Adults and children can both experience suicidal ideation as well as suicide attempts, in the context of depression and anxiety and they can also start self-harm behaviours including disordered eating issues, drug and alcohol dependence and cutting. These behaviours emerge to cope with the immense overwhelm and despair they are experiencing. There are times adult victims feel they are going to go ‘crazy’, and they feel so trapped and stuck like there is no way out of ‘this hell’ except to die. Even once an adult partner has escaped a marriage the behaviour continues toward them because they share children and sometimes custody access. There is no escape even post separation. The torture continues and the family court system cannot help the victims once final orders are made. Victims often do not know who to turn to for validation and support. Victims do not feel believed and start to despair at the isolation of their experience. Adults can sometimes cease to be able to work or quit their jobs. Children struggle to attend school and engage in meaningful peer relationships. Some children develop extreme behaviours such as conversion disorders (pseudo fainting) as a way of managing overwhelm. Interpersonal relationships become strained and ruptured between the non-toxic parent (victim) and their children which creates an added layer of despair for the victim which can become unbearable. Honestly, I am surprised that the victims I have worked with are still alive."

The foundation of your house collapses. The neighbors stand around in disbelief & thank g*d you are safe. Yet when the coercive controller is eroding away a victim’s world, we often ask: Why did she stay? It’s hard to escape when we don’t know our world is collapsing under us.