Hannah Bender

[Hannah Bender @hbends]

@budweiserusa #HitTheBuds #Sweepstakes

[Martin Darcey Official @Mdarceyofficial]

A yoga retreat suggests that there must also be a yoga attack.

[Hannah Bender @hbends]

My new toxic trait walking home after a big meal is holding my belly as if there’s a baby inside instead of bloat, so that people will look at me fondly assuming I’m pregnant rather than just sensitive to dairy

[Whitney Cummings @WhitneyCummings]

I mean if Elon was truly a good businessman he would stop buying websites and have a cologne called ELON MUSK

[Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan]

I just met the saddest German I've ever known, Hans down

[the hype @TheHyyyype]

the cdc announced that you can now lose a guy in just 5 days

[Sara K. Runnels @omgskr]

If you’ve ever cried during a cheesy film about love, you may be entitled to rom-compensation

[delia @delia_cai]

[me arriving late to things] sorry supply chain problems

[Alex Kehr @alexkehr]

Due to inflation, Jay-Z now has 112.69 problems

[trash jones @jzux]

well well well, if it isn’t the bridge i said i’d cross when i came to it

[Hannah Bender @hbends]

I just learned that National Guacamole Day falls on Yom Kippur this year and I may never recover from this news

[Barstool Pitt @StoolPitt]

The CDC says people who are fully vaccinated can begin Reachinggg outttt, touching meeee, TOUCHING YOUUUU #H2P

[goof @capricorngoof]

The CDC said you can come over but my mom said no.

[Jesse McLaren @McJesse]

Now that The Nanny is streaming I will refer to HBO Max as my “OnlyFrans”.

[Reddit, Inc. @Reddit]

can't wait to explain this week to my therapist