heather f

wash ur hands

[heather f @heather4rd]

I will DIE as a martyr for the Oxford comma

[ACLU @ACLU]

BREAKING: We're suing West Virginia in state court to prevent the enforcement of a criminal ban on nearly all abortions.

This law, originally enacted in the 1800s, makes it a felony to provide an abortion, punishable by up to ten years in prison.

[heather f @heather4rd]

This isn't the tweet I wanted to end my 2-year sabbatical but here we are, peasants

[heather f @heather4rd]

What's happening, Twitter asks? In all honestly, I have, quite literally, no idea

[Big Hollywood @ChefWaites]

The Ibuprofen must’ve been sold out

[Jake Montgomery @JakeMontgomery_]

BREAKING: The Tampa Bay Rays announce that they’re will be no fans in attendance at regular season games this season. Not because of the Coronavirus though.

[heather f @heather4rd]

Someone in my building legit tested positive and we all share a lobby but I’m still on the bus going into the corona infested city. I love capitalism!

[heather f @heather4rd]

All my friends are on mandatory work from home except for people working at law firms lmao justice am I right

[heather f @heather4rd]

@yaboybready @paulscocktails Facts

[heather f @heather4rd]

Wearing a pair of my mom’s pants because I’m staying at her house this week and I just pulled a whole ass acorn out of the pocket.

[heather f @heather4rd]

@claudstish This made me laugh

[heather f @heather4rd]

When I went to Newton and we were allowed to leave the campus for lunch, I would sometimes go break into my grandma’s house and eat lunch alone in her living room so nobody would be able to talk to me lmao

[heather f @heather4rd]

I cut like 8 inches off my hair and now it’s retaining more smells is this science

[heather f @heather4rd]

My family now refers to binder clips as a “Brady wallet” bc B has been using a binder clip to keep his cards together for years

[heather f @heather4rd]

I hate the algorithm that decides what ads I get on Instagram

[heather f @heather4rd]

@shutup_sal When I studied abroad we went to this biker bar and always made them play this song. The 50-70 year old Spanish biker dudes went fuckin nuts for it

[heather f @heather4rd]

Prosecutor in The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez legit looks like Chris Moltisanti

[heather f @heather4rd]

Just ran 8 miles on the treadmill and do not recommend 0/10

[heather f @heather4rd]

Why does every dramatic Netflix show have an intro song that lasts for like 9 minutes

[heather f @heather4rd]

I pulled two almost identical lipsticks out of the pockets of a coat I haven’t worn in several months so now I have 10 lipsticks that are almost the exact same color. I’m so tired of myself.