hen

feet in the air head on the ground

[LS | RealNastyBeetle @RealNastyBeetle]

dominos pizza is the only chain pizza designed to be consumed during a mental breakdown.

[َ @saintava]

i remember learning about weed for the first time as a kid and thinking "yeah this is something i'll likely be involved in"

[? @offprozac]

fake ass suicidal bitch i saw you eating kinder joy

[CICADA @ChuckTheSpittah]

I love talking to women in their 30s because I can freely use unc emojis Been in that mf like “😅🤣😜”

[Charlie James @malecowgirl]

i arrive to your pool party, wearing goggles i brought from home, ready to enter the pool - i bring no treat to share, no verbal greeting. this is about access to a pool for me

[Fallon @filthtofilth]

Being normal performatively

[finn @notebookpapr]

i consider roger from american dad a close personal family friend of mine

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

once i figure out how to log into mychart i'll be unstoppable

[lolt64🕵️ @lolt64]

Sometimes I don’t charge my phone overnight so that I start the next day in “challenge mode”

[Fallon @filthtofilth]

The wistful sigh of a girl with burger related desires

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

Don’t worry dear. Someday this will all just be something that flashes across the mind right before you fall asleep

[joey @joboduj]

officer i had no idea i was even driving

[gwen howerton @kissphoria]

i'm inventing a new card in soccer that the ref shows when something Beautiful happens

[jake @wormpuller]

Making it rain on the pharmacist when he hands over my adderall

[BRITNEY @britney___bible]

I miss being 19 and stealing everything

[@redaction @redaction]

Vaping in your bed and scrolling Twitter is pretty much the same as being on a yacht off the coast of Santorini