Purple

Wine Cellars.

[Purple @her_junk]

I have made peace with the fact that once again, September doesn't like me.

[Nayele18 @nayele18maybe]

People who drink orange juice after brushing their teeth have killed before and will kill again

[Softboy @softboywin]

I think smartphones are ruining our lives but also if I had to go to the airport in 1998 with just my wits & a subway map I’d kill myself

[ꨄ︎ @providentialy]

Dentist: Open up, please.
Me: Sometimes I get sad...

[Shark @sharkincrisis]

For the very last time, I will be swimming towards the Gulf of Mexico with a Google map.

[Karim Wafa-Al Hussaini @DrKarimWafa]

Nudes are overrated. Send me a video of you reading so that I can see if you’re literate enough to fight against the technofascist wave of illiterate anti-intellectualism.

[Ramin Nasibov @RaminNasibov]

Every time I buy groceries I understand a little more about the French Revolution.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

I know things are bad now but you just have to hang in there until the world ends.

[nima astria @1likeaverage]

if u dont like someone's natural scent u are biologically not supposed to be together and no amount of hygiene and cologne etc can fix that

[Cuckturd @CattardSlim]

If Elon bans Doja Cat this is why. 😭

[z @meoww739]

i’m making ramen for the first time is this enough water

[horse @horsetwting]

@cowincrisis oh excuse me miss perfect pisser

[Cat @CatInShambles]

human found my google history. its over

[cow @cowincrisis]

thank you @googlemaps

[cow @cowincrisis]

i made this account trying to have fun and bring an ounce of humour to this app that would not upset or offend anyone and yall think it’s so funny to comment pictures of steak and burgers and call me delicious and engage in relentless bullying you are all so goddamn miserable

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

@AlSultan_Meriam We honestly don't care how you write it.

We're just trying to help.

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

‘Wi-Fi’ is not an acronym. It doesn’t stand for anything.

Also! Since it’s a trademarked term, it should be written as ‘Wi-Fi’ (not ‘wifi’ or ‘WiFi’).

[cow @cowincrisis]

saw you drive past the field and not wave at us. i’ll remember this.

[DOJA CAT @DojaCat]

hey elon if u see this please put the audio post feature back on here. Thanks, u frog build looking bitch. Barrel chested ewok u look like u eat sand.

[mariana Z @mariana057]

Physician: Your body has ran out of magnesium.

Me: 0mg

[✒️ @Literariium]

no more "in my humble opinion", from now on it's "from my grandiose and objectively correct deductions".