cockasian

life is like an apple. it's yellow and square. in another words, it's not what you expect.

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

I am hoping hurricane Handy to come by and fix my screen door.

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

While you're thanking god for finding your car keys, starving kids in Africa are thanking god for making them look like Halloween masks.

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

I caught on fire over the weekend while making meth. I skipped over the "stop" & "drop" steps and went straight to "roll". It works the same

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

I am so hardcore atheist, when people tell me that they're religious, I don't believe them.

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

My future self told me I am correct at everything. So for those of you who doubted me, don't take my word for it take the words from me.

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

@StephHosack. Hi Stefunny!

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

I forgot to knock on wood when I told my friend that I didn't have herpes. DAMN YOU, WOOD!!!

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

Justin Beiber puked on stage. She's got the morning sickness. Congrats on the pregnancy!

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

I am staying up eating baby carrots. Just wanted to let you know that I party.

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

I searched"all I want for christmas is you"on ebay for my wife.it said"if you like this song,you might also enjoy hairy balls on your chin"

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

Roses are red
So are a lot of other flowers
Who gives a flying fuck
I hate poems
You are a pussy
I don't rhyme
Suck me sideways

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

This month,... I am very aware of breasts. Cancer...not so much.

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

@ToneJorgensen Thanks for liking my stuff. :)

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

@ToneJorgensen. Huh? Haha

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

Awkward moment when you ask a girl to suck your dick and she's like "excuse me?", then you come back with, um.. I was asking for a friend.

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

TD Bank is not what I thought...

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

If one door closes, push, pull, or turn the handle, you dumb fuck. If you don't know how the doors work, this world is not for you.

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

So, how is religious nut jobs differ from regular nut jobs? Do they pray and thank their god before fondling the nuts? Touch my nuts please.

[Ooo! Shiny! @LadyHAHA]

Hey, how about you don't do jazz hands while you're fingering me mister man!' - if the movie Misery was a porno.

[cockasian @honeybadgerham]

@KicknWings . Of course. It's right three times to 36. Left full circle to 12. Right to 25.