Christopher Lewis

Video Editor, Writer, Comedian, and all around tall person.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

COVID is like a hit streaming show: I only get around to it when everyone else has stopped caring.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Got my omicron booster. The woman said my sleeve didn’t roll up far enough so I had to take my shirt off. So I guess we’ll both be feeling sick soon.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Morals I Have Learned from Children’s Books:

Mike Mulligan & His Steam Shovel: Things are only worth doing if people are watching.

Guess How Much I Love You: It is important for adults to always one-up their children.

Goldilocks: White privilege is real.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

It appears that the neighborhood children made a game out of running away from me, and it ended in tears. So adult life is going pretty much how I expected.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

This baby has spent an entire year with me, and yet she remains full of joy. Go figure. #HappyBirthday https://t.co/LNGYhfDaUe

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Steve Bannon is guilty of contempt. As are most people who look at Steve Bannon.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Republicans: States’ Rights!

Democrats: What about Women’s Rights?

Republicans: Sure, Wyoming is a state.

Democrats: No, I said Women. You know, People?

Republicans: Oh, People! You meant like “Woah, Men!” Of course Men have Rights!

Democrats: Nevermind.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

I’m so glad my daughter won’t have to grow up in a country that would burden her with the tedious responsibility of being treated like an adult person who is capable of making decisions for herself. #RoeVWade

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

The trouble with trying to get a baby to nap by walking around NYC is you can never quite tell if the urine smell is coming from your chest or your shoes.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Murphy’s Law: The scientific principle that as soon as you get good at cooking for a low-sugar vegetarian diet, someone will mail you a box of steaks and an ice cream maker.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

The only phrase more pretentious than “the movie wasn’t as good as the book” is “the movie wasn’t as good as the video game.”

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

The baby broke my glasses. Fortunately, she doesn’t have a phone yet so I don’t have to worry about cyber bullying.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Should you give an Uber driver five stars despite the fact that his car smells like weed, or because of it?

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Made a carrot cake and completely smashed the middle layer while taking it out of the pan. It really was the perfect birthday cake for me: unappealing to most people and broken inside.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Some people say 40 is the new 30, but I say 40 is the new dead. #MelancholyBirthday

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

This Is Us has ended, and with it the tyranny of feeling things because music told you to.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Went to a play. It’s so nice to see acting in person again, I almost believed the audience wouldn’t rather be home watching Netflix.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Elon Musk buying Twitter is just another reminder that money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy spite.

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

And That Is Why Men Are Terrible: A Novel https://t.co/istBdZLiRJ

[Christopher Lewis @hoveringgiraffe]

Bought an electric toothbrush because there’s no reason my mouth should feel any less uncomfortable than the rest of me.