pumpkin cream muffin 🍯

if i’m tweeting i’m spiraling

[★ @thematrixwizard]

BILLIONS WILL LOVE AND ASCEND 🗣️

[orion @ihatemygrave_2]

charlie kirk: "bla bla something something gang violence I hate trans people and women"
some guy with a rifle at UVU:

[boob dylan @BYUsupersoaker]

dropping acid and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

[Mira @roarkpkmn]

Discourse I just invented: glasses fetishism is problematic because eyeglasses are technically a disability aid

[kjaypaw :3 @kjaypaw]

just found out horses have menstrual cycles. imagine pms’ing and you’re also a fucking horse

[friendship messiah @rathbona2]

@snakesandrews

[Dr. Alex Zawacki @achillghost]

Probably the worst part of premodern literature is coming across lines like “Of course, everyone knows the tale of Borble, that hero of ancient days, so I shall not weary the reader by repeating it here*”

* Editor’s note: no accounts of Borble have survived

[sofu @soycomocepillin]

me after watching anything because my critical thinking skills are shit

[Jeremy Kaplowitz @jeremysmiles]

"why are you still posting on the nazi website?" unfortunately i live in the nazi country run by nazis

[Jan Kirsch, M.D., M.P.H. @DrJanKirsch]

The German newspaper Die Zeit covered the hand, writing:

"A Hitler Salute is a Hitler Salute is a Hitler Salute".

[Ted @Tedoffthegrid]

Every second that I’m not in bed I’m thinking about how badly I wanna be horizontal in bed and whenever I’m horizontal in bed I think yes I love being horizontal in my bed.

[pumpkin cream muffin 🍯 @https_chickens]

@uunicornicc that happened to mine once when i dropped it in beer, it was fixed when i replaced the tip completely with a new one!

[Stephen Caruso @StephenJ_Caruso]

"Oh my god did you see the latest poll? Pennsylvania is within the marg-"

You bolt awake. The year is 1656. You summon a servant, sure of what must be done. You are Oliver Cromwell, Lord Protector of the Commonwealth. And William Penn must die.

[pumpkin cream muffin 🍯 @https_chickens]

@Boffyyyy pay off the cops

[pumpkin cream muffin 🍯 @https_chickens]

@Boffyyyy at least the sushi was good