Huck Poe

a weird prop at the bar

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

Congrats to the Walgreens at Broadway and Granville for playing a Randy Newman cover by Michael Buble, you've achieved peak muzak

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

As long as we're considering making DST permanent, how about switching March over to a 30 day month? It'd help us hourly slobs who have to budget that smaller February paycheck over a long month. The Pope 500 years ago really screwed us on that one.

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

Taxes are a government conspiracy to make us forget what year it is again just when we were starting to get it right

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

Y'all waste energy arguing about ketchup on hotdogs and pineapple on pizza while you let the real monsters get away with the ultimate crime: using Crispix instead of Chex in puppy chow

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

Sure, a nationalized health care system would be great and all, but you just can't beat the efficiency of the private sector, like when my insurance company mails me a letter to remind me that I signed up for paperless billing and communications. @BCBSIL #MedicareForAll

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

I imagine it's kinda like the Twilight Zone, but with more bean bag chairs

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

Bedrooms and bathrooms imply the existence of a Beyond Room, and that's where I wanna be

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

Is it just me, or do the worker costumes from Squid Game look HELLA comfy? So many pockets too. I want to wear one casually, mask, disguised voice, and all.

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

All historical events have been false flag operations, except for Die Hard With A Vengeance, which really happened, and is the ONLY thing that has EVER really happened

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

#Delta #fallplans

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

"That singer sure is loud alright"
-Me in the back row, wearing a frosting-stained tux

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

I don't know how someone can tell whether an opera they're watching is good or bad and at this point I'm too afraid to ask

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

It's almost as though its only remaining purpose is to alienate and exclude people

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

I was feeling pretty good today, but then I found out Donald Rumsfeld died.
And I felt even better.

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

It was prob just a clerical error, but I lol'd imagining @DickDurbin himself reading my email about removing patent restrictions on the vax so less wealthy countries don't fall victim to #Pfizer's profiteering, shaking his fist, and saying "it's those damn kids with their vapes!"

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

Bank account: $1400
Me: *slams fists on dermatologist's desk* I want an annual skin cancer screening
*grits teeth*
ADD BACON

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

Bank account: $1400
Me: *bursts through door of M&M store*
INFRAREEED!!!

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

Bank account: $1400
Me: *slams fist on DMV counter* I want a HUNDRED driver's licenses. Gonna make it RAIN

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

Bank: $1400
Me: *slams fist on the bar* I want the greenest motherfucking beer you've got

[Huck Poe @huckpoe]

One funny thing about this whole #potatohead debacle is that potatoes generally reproduce through self-pollination, so have fun explaining that to your kids if you're so concerned about "biology.™"