Hui-Shan Yong

I’m at peace knowing he’s at peace.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

It is very difficult to be sick without Peter around. The many people I seeked help from couldn’t be here. I have forgotten how to take care of myself and I feel extremely lost.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

Grieving in sadness today.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

@MariaMogavero 😂😂😂😂😂

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

I lost my smile when I lost him. And now I can’t find it. My smiles feels weird.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

You know what I miss the most? Going to bed and waking up next to him.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

On Sundays, if I’m not hanging out after work, I’m usually consumed with grief and I vape so I can sleep hours before the sun sets for the day.

Guilt has been my most frequent visitor in the past few weeks.

IMO guilt is the worst out of all.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

Tonight I realized that I love eating alone only when I’m sad. And my meal tonight was less than mediocre. It wasn’t worth my sadness.

I could hear his spirit dropping f bombs at my very poor and expensive decision.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

It’s that time of grief when people have forgotten about my loss.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

One more “happy thanksgiving” and I’m just about to strangle myself to death.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

I dreamt that I went to Hawaii, loved it and told Peter we’re moving there.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

Threw out my back and he’s not here. I’ll manage. I managed alone for many years before I met him.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

Peter and I were gonna name our daughter Rhea. We couldn’t think of a name for our boy. I’ve finally thought of it. Rainn. Rainn and Rhea Zhang. His favorite weather and our favorite joy.

I wonder if our family exists in another dimension. I hope it’s a happy one.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

@MariaMogavero 😂 many many many of those thoughts for sure.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

Usually I would race home to see him. Now I just sit in my car with the engine off for god knows how long before I lug my soul back into my apartment.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

Year 2 of Grief - I’m getting very good at burying my feelings. Just pack pack packing them down like sitting on an overflowing suitcase trying to zip it up.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

If I could re-live the first half of 2021 again, I would. I miss him so much.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

Today I cried at work. And my colleagues hugged me, cried with me and advocated for me.

[Hui-Shan Yong @huibuns]

The repetition of “I’m so sorry for your loss”, “my condolences” and some Bible verse is like pouring salt to the wound. It never helps. It just makes it worse.