Claudio Squarcella

engineering @sysdig

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I have to spend Christmas with my husband's family. They insist on using milk in recipes despite knowing that I can't digest lactose as I'm Chinese. So, this year, I'm not going to take any Lactaid. I predict massive farts and no-one objecting when I suggest leaving early.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I sent a Christmas card to my Nanna recently, and I wrote a very heartfelt message about the memories of Christmas with her as a child. She sent me a text when she recieved it to say that it made her day and that she was crying tears of joy. The whole thing was written by AI.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

As a 5ft3 guy I've always been the butt of jokes by mates and other men. What they don't know is that the past 3 years I've made nearly £500k selling pics and videos of my smallish feet on OF to guys who think they are a woman's. My wife finds it hilarious.

[Claudio Squarcella @hyperboreans]

@fesshole its*

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I tried to drive within the speed limit at all times however my main motivation for this is not because that's the law. It's simply because I like to see the faces of the irate drivers behind me getting all annoyed because I've made them slow down to the speed limit.

[Claudio Squarcella @hyperboreans]

@fesshole

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I add songs that I think my dad would like to a Spotify playlist. He died 8 years ago but every so often I play it when I'm driving alone, and I talk to him about them. It feels we're listening together. I miss him every day. Love you dad.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I miss my secretary, who retired a few years ago, not because she was great at her job but her name was Helen Waite. I loved telling people who wanted to complain about something to "go to Helen Waite".

[Claudio Squarcella @hyperboreans]

QuAS, 2024, olio su tela

[Alec Stapp @AlecStapp]

Still laughing about the time a computer scientist who had his bike stolen tried to explain binary search to a cop

[VITTORIO GABRIELE @LoPsihologo]

Stamane in metro una ragazza ha le stringhe di una scarpa pericolosamente slacciate.
Le dico: "scusi faccia attenzione la sua scarpa è slacciata"
E lei: "eh? Fatti i fatti tuoi no?" e scappa in avanti.
Dopo due minuti inciampa sui lacci e si cappotta scendendo dalla scala mobile.
Mi avvicino e le chiedo se sta bene e mi fa "aho ma niente niente porti male??“

Secondo me ho fatto colpo,voi che dite?

[Luca Sofri @lucasofri]

Pensa gli stranieri, a spiegarglielo.

[Claudio Squarcella @hyperboreans]

CSS is awesome. @ilpost geni

[Corrini 🇪🇺 @corrini]

L’internet è popolato anche da geni.
#SystemOfaGianni

[Joel Berry @JoelWBerry]

A mailman who looked suspiciously like my 8-year-old put this in my mailbox this morning

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I've developed a program that checks my Facebook each day and automatically sends "Happy Birthday" posts. I run it on a cloud service that's so cheap that I've loaded it with enough credit for it to run autonomously for ten years. I'm worried it'll keep going after I die.

[fubar @folkheron]

When you forget the word for trousers but the deadline is looming

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

When I was about 10 me & my mates chipped in a quid each to hire a video. Only, one mate only had 50p so halfway through the film we kicked him out the house as he'd had his monies worth. The memory of him trying to watch it through netted curtains still makes me laugh.

[Darth Putin @DarthPutinKGB]

Which one of you incompetent f*%<ing m0r9ns tweeted a picture of Crimea as part of Ukraine??!!??