✨

[Ana Kasparian @AnaKasparian]

How does one agree to pay $300,000 to debate a criminal case when they don’t even know what the suspect is charged with?

What is that? 💀

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

[touching a dead rabbit) I will mourn you.. [phone rings, I accept the call on my Bluetooth earpiece with the same hand] Talk to me

[swamp hag ✨☕️🌸🍓🍰 @potatoslav]

you know people like to say Americans have no culture but my German neighbors are throwing a party tonight and i can hear their music from my living room and almost every song on their playlist is American. you are all fish that don’t realize you’re swimming in water.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I needed to move a sofa.

I mentioned this to an American. He said, "You know anybody with a truck?"

I did not know anybody with a truck.

He looked at me with real concern. Not pity. Concern. The way you look at a man who has told you he does not have a name.

"You gotta know somebody with a truck."

I asked how one acquires such a person.

He said, "You just do."

This is the third time I have received that answer in this country. It is the answer to everything here. You just do. There is no process. There is only the eventual fact of having.

He said, "Ask Kevin."

I do not know a Kevin. He said Kevin like I should. He said it the way you say a shared uncle.

I met Kevin four days later. Kevin owns a truck. Kevin does not own a truck for himself. Nobody owns a truck for themselves. Kevin owns a truck for a fifteen mile radius.

Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS TAKEN A VOW. HE DID NOT ANNOUNCE IT. HE SIMPLY PURCHASED A BED AND ACCEPTED THE CONSEQUENCES.

Kevin arrived on Saturday. He brought the truck. He also brought a second man.

I had not asked for a second man.

The second man's name is Tony. Tony came because Kevin came. Tony did not know me. Tony did not ask what we were moving. Tony brought gloves.

They moved the sofa in eleven minutes.

I offered them money. Both of them laughed at the same time, which felt rehearsed and was not.

I asked what I owed them.

Kevin said, "Buy the pizza."

That is the price. That is the entire economy. The truck costs one pizza and the pizza is not negotiable and the pizza is also not expensive and everyone knows what size.

Inside I said: THE FEE IS FIXED ACROSS THE ENTIRE NATION AND WAS SET BY NO ONE.

We ate on the floor because the sofa was against the wall and none of us wanted to be the first to sit on it.

Tony told me his daughter plays soccer. I asked if she is good. He said, "She's aggressive."

I still think about that.

Three weeks later, Kevin texted me.

"You free Sunday? Helping Tony move a fridge."

He did not ask if I wanted to. He informed me of a fridge.

Inside I said: I HAVE BEEN CALLED UP. I DID NOT ENLIST. THE PAPERS WERE FILED ON MY BEHALF.

I went. I moved the fridge. I have no truck. I contributed only arms.

Afterward, a man I had never met asked me if I knew anybody with a truck.

I said, "Yeah, I got a guy."

I have a guy.

I am somebody's guy now, too. Tony has told two people about me.

He describes me as "the guy who's strong for his size."

I have never been prouder of a sentence in my life.

[Coastal Country Club @ccmembersonly]

I have a rule: I’m slow to trust anyone that wasn’t cool in high school. Not because being cool makes you trustworthy. It’s because NOT being cool during that time leaves most people with lifelong cope complexes that seep into everything they do, for the rest of their life.

[Ana Kasparian @AnaKasparian]

I’m sure this is nothing. Just a coincidence.

[The Lesbian Pervert @babyknifespice]

what’s a good gas station pill to try for someone just getting into gas station pills

[Jaca 🎉🎉 playing DA2 @jacaxen]

if i get one more of those AI ads for base 44 on youtube, i will skin somebody alive

[Tokyo Deep Value @TokyoDeepValue]

Immigration officer: “Purpose of your visit to Japan?”

Me: “Tourism.”

The truth: attending the annual shareholder meeting of a 40-employee industrial fastener company in Gifu Prefecture that trades below net cash, where I will be the only foreigner, the only shareholder under 60, and the only person who has read all 30 years of their filings.

Officer: “Enjoy Osaka.”

I will not be going to Osaka.

[َ @rmngifs]

red card in the world cup final

[Will Sexton @willsextonx]

This probably goes so hard if you’re Indian

[tooflyszn @_tooflyszn]

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight

[OpticalRetard @OpticalRetard1]

I got foids in atlanta

[Witness Me @Voyager_Dos]

Liam Payne prefirió aventarse de un edificio que pasar un minuto más en Argentina.

[𝕮𝖊𝖘𝖆𝖗🇲🇽 @alvcezz]

These argentine players are fucking dirty, they’re so unlikeable it’s crazy

[I Love Christmas. @Paynuspain]

The humble apple is perfectly designed to sit flat on a table. Easy to see why they’re beloved by teachers. Unlike the contemptible orange which is prone to rolling away.

[. 🇺🇸 @pglonghouse]

crazy how being a “voracious reader” is now one of the number 1 signs of being a midwit. if u read 100 books in a year im just assuming its all worthless drivel and that you’d have been better off reading 0 books actually

[Sam Ro 📈 @SamRo]

Deutsche Bank has an "Oasis" index, which is the price of 5 beers and 2 packs of cigarettes