iam_sanche

Hey I bet you’ll like to follow me, I motivate and encourage anyone and everyone in 🇳🇬 and all over the 🌎 BNXN|| 🎶 AGBAFIAN|| 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🗣️CHELSEA⚽️💙

[iam_sanche @iam__sanche]

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[iam_sanche @iam__sanche]

@jon_d_doe 😂😂

[iam_sanche @iam__sanche]

@Okeke_Uz ❤️

[NneChukwu! @Okeke_Uz]

Some of us Nigerian parents don't know how to raise teenagers without turning the house into a courtroom. Maybe it comes from our own experience and level of exposure, but we need to unlearn a lot of styles because they aren't working.

Your child walks in from school and the cross-examination begins.

"Where are you going?"

"Who were you with?"

"Why did you do that?"

"Who told you?"

"Are you hiding something?"

Nobody has made room for "Good evening." No one has said "Welcome."

In a bid to stay on top of your protection game, you become the prosecutor, the judge and the police, while your child becomes the accused.

But what you don't realise is that your teenager has now learnt the quickest way out of your courtroom: say little, say what pleases you, and say it fast.

Then all of a sudden, they recoil and stop talking. And you start complaining, "These children of nowadays don't confide in their parents." You start sulking over the idea that they don't need you anymore, after everything you have done.

But how would they?

My dear, sometimes the child didn't stop needing you. They just stopped feeling safe enough to tell you the truth.

Think about how it works with your own phone. If a certain app charges you every time you open it, you stop opening it. You don't stop needing the app. You just stop going there.

Or a shop where the owner shouts at every customer who asks a question. Clearly, people will stop asking. They still need what is inside, so they buy it from the next shop, where nobody shouts.

That is exactly what happens when your teenager has a problem.

Your boy is being pressured by friends, or your girl has received a message that made her uncomfortable. Maybe somebody older is being too friendly. They have just two places to take it: home or friends.

But when the first question from home is "What did you do to cause it?", they would rather go to a friend, a stranger on the internet, or a classmate who knows nothing.

And sadly, the second place is usually the one that answers.

A teenager needs boundaries, absolutely. Curfews, rules, consequences, all of it. But boundaries without relationship can produce obedience in your presence and secrecy in your absence.

A child who says "Yes, Mummy" at the gate, then begins another life once the gate closes. And you think you have a well-behaved child, not knowing you only have a well-trained actor.

You don't raise teenagers by making sure they fear you. A child who is afraid of you learns to lie beautifully, and the lie gets better with every year.

You raise them by making sure they know they can come to you before the world teaches them its own lessons. The world is a very harsh teacher, and it doesn't offer a second chance to resit the exam it sets.

So the next time your teenager says something that shocks you, take a breath before the first question. Let your reaction be the reason they come back tomorrow, not the reason they never come again.

Be the safest place they know.

Selah.

[England @England]

The best player in the world.

Our 2026 #BallonDor winner: HARRY KANE! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏆

[iam_sanche @iam__sanche]

@jon_d_doe Yes Agba

[NneChukwu! @Okeke_Uz]

As a parent, you need to know that a child who is never allowed to fail does not necessarily become confident. Sometimes you are just raising an adult who has never learned to sit with the consequences of their actions, and may never.

Every little thing sends you into defence and protection mode.

You call to caution the teacher over small issues. You go to their school to physically attack the teacher over a disciplinary measure taken against your child. There is always someone to blame for poor exam scores or rebellious behavior. Someone always fixes their mess.

Then when they grow up and resume at an office where nobody is paid to rescue them, their very first query feels like persecution, and the manager who asks for a report on time is suddenly "toxic."

Guiding children is like holding the seat for a child learning to ride a bicycle. If you always hold it, the child will find it very difficult to learn to balance. And, if you let go too early on a bad road, the child will break a knee.

So the wise parent runs beside the bicycle, lets go on the smooth stretch, and is still close enough to pick the child up when the fall comes.

But there is another side to this teaching that I always love to talk about.

Letting your child face the consequences of their own decisions shouldn't mean leaving them to repeat the mistakes you already made.

You know what it cost you to marry in a hurry, to not take your academics seriously, to not give your savings to a "trusted" friend, to ignore your health until it shouted, to loaf around at 25 and have nothing at 45, or to stay quiet when you should have spoken up.

Those lessons were expensive, and I don't see why your child should go through them again, unless they are bent on learning it the hard way.

There is this lady who got pregnant at 16, in SS2. Her father disowned her. Her lover boy disappeared. And her secondary school quietly asked her not to return.

She sold pure water by the roadside with a baby tied to her back, while her mates finished secondary school and went on to university.

Though she did go back to school in the end, because God is faithful and her mother never gave up on her, but it took 9 years to get what should have taken 4.

As soon as her daughter turned 13, she knew she had to start talking to her. But instead of the usual speech, "Don't let any boy touch you or I will kill you," she sat her daughter down and told her about her life. That even though she was the best thing that ever happened to her, her choice of man was poor.

She told her what her choices cost her, the price she paid, and how she would have given anything to do things differently.

She made sure to equip her daughter with information to guide her into making better choices.

With the type of smart children we are raising these days, honest conversations do more than 100 threats ever would.

As mothers, because we spend more time with these children, we need to give them truth without shame, love them without conditions, and give them ample room to ask questions without fear of being shut down or punished.

A child who can ask you anything will tell you everything, but a child who is afraid of you will learn to lie beautifully.

So it is important that we tell our stories without shame and without a sermon. Tell your child your mistakes, what they cost you, and what you would do differently if God gave you another chance.

Those scars of yours can become their map.

Where the road is one you have already walked, guide them with the truth.

Where the road is theirs to walk, stand beside them, let them feel the weight of their decisions, and help them make sense of it afterwards.

Protect them from your mistakes, and prepare them for their own.

As parents, the greatest gift you can give your child is wisdom from your past and the freedom to learn from their own choices, while you are still close enough to hold their hand.

Selah!

[Àgbà John Doe @jon_d_doe]

For a moment, I thought I was reading my own write up, but I saw somewhere in the thread that I would have written it in a different way.

I love your ways of thinking.

I am not surprised though.

You're a very mature married woman with a 21 year old daughter.

So I wouldn't expect less.

Like I have been telling you:

Your only problem is that you took a long hiatus from X, and returned when almost everyone is now chasing money and trying to build their own pages.

Time will be kind to you.

You write so well.

Dear all, please read this educative thread and kindly give her a follow @Okeke_Uz 🙏

[NneChukwu! @Okeke_Uz]

You need to pay attention to how your spouse behaves when frustrated, because it will tell you more about the person than all the charm they showed when everything was going their way.

Courtship is a season where a lot of people put up their best behaviour, but marriage is a long season where the real person finally comes out to play.

Every couple has a quarrel that reveals something.

A husband who insults his wife in front of the children over every little issue is clearly showing you how he handles disappointment, and a wife who gives the silent treatment for days after an argument is also showing you how she handles hurt.

Nobody wakes up one morning and invents these habits. They were learnt in the homes we grew up in, and we digested them and carried them into our marriages.

For instance, when a husband is raised watching his father walk out whenever his mother challenged him, he learns that leaving is how a man handles conflict, and so he runs to his "boys" every time his wife raises an issue.

When a wife grows up hearing "Because I said so" as an order from her mother, she learns that questions are rebellion, and so she cannot hear her husband calmly say "I do not like that" without calling it disrespect.

A man raised in a house where the father was never wrong learns that apologising is for the weak, so he would rather buy his wife a wig, a phone, or a new set of jewellery before he says 3 simple words, "I am sorry."

Marriage is like a pot of soup that has been sitting on the fire for years. You can change the bowl, change the table, and even change the room you serve it in, but when the lid is lifted, it is the same soup.

If it was bitter in the first year and nobody addressed it, then 20 years later you will find that the bitterness has become more concentrated.

And we make it worse by excusing it. Someone will give the silent treatment, expecting the other person to feel the impact of a mistake made, and yet we say "he is just quiet."

A spouse will talk condescendingly to us and sometimes extend it to our family, and we will say "she is only expressing herself." Even when someone refuses to own mistakes that should be addressed, we say "he is a proud man."

Then we start moving from church to church, praying and fasting, asking the Almighty to change a person who has never been asked to change, and who has never been shown what changing looks like.

Frustration is not the enemy of a marriage. How we behave inside it is.

Two people can be equally angry. One will say "I am upset, let me calm down and we will talk," while the other will throw words that take years to heal.

The difference is not love, because both of them may love deeply. The difference is emotional maturity, and it can be learnt at any age.

A simple question like "What is it that I do when I am angry that hurts you?", asked calmly and followed by listening without defending yourself, does wonders in tense moments.

Learn to apologise first, even when you feel you were only 50% wrong, because the other 50% will rarely arrive if you wait for it, and things will keep deteriorating.

Saying "I need a moment" instead of just vanishing is healthier for your marriage.

And if you are still searching for a spouse, do not be carried away by how well someone behaves on a good day. Take time to study and watch them when they are tired, embarrassed, or not getting their way, because that is when the family they came from and it's dynamics reveal itself, and it is that person you will be coming home to for the next 40 years of your life.

[Àgbà John Doe @jon_d_doe]

Men hardly experience or receive kindness. Even from their fellow men, let alone from women.

That's why any small act of kindness towards a man is well appreciated.

So, as a woman, what you need more than anything to win a man's commitment is kindness.

That little kind gesture that you did for him can alter the course of your relationship with him for good.

End.

[Àgbà John Doe @jon_d_doe]

Before 2020, I was always leaving the house every day of the week to work.

Sometimes, I would return home at 8 or 9pm.

Once I enter the house, my wife would welcome me.

On the TV, she would be watching one movie or series.

Then she will change the channel to CNN or BBC for me and ask me to go shower and have dinner.

"This is what you stay at home all day to do. Watch Telemundo or Zee world. You stay at home all day doing nothing. I go out every day to earn money to provide you for you and these children. Lazy woman!"

She won't say anything to me.

She'll go to the kitchen and wait for me to shower before dishing out my food.

I would notice that her eyes were blurry.

In the morning, I would be off by latest 6:30 am.

One day, I came back home, and my wife said that she wanted to discuss with me.

"Sweetie, I am depressed. I want to go back to work. I feel like I am useless in this marriage and I am not contributing anything to it. Please, help me find a job"

I blasted her and told her that I got a job without her, and I used my qualifications to apply, and that she should do same.

My wife cried so much that night.

Then came covid 19...

My office had asked us to start working from home.

Monday to Friday, I was home working.

My kids were still going to school under strict covid rules.

I started studying my wife more.

This woman was not resting.

I figured that she was only watching those series or shows just to stay awake to welcome me back home.

She was busier than I was.

She showed me what it meant to have a wife who is a housewife.

One day, I could not take it anymore.

"Baby, you have been asking me to pay you monthly salary, I think you're right. I will be giving you the money"

Covid made me appreciate my lovely wife, more.

Despite dating her for 9 years, I still could not see that God had blessed me enormously.

Because I was carried away by my female colleagues that were age mates with me and working.

And I wanted my wife to "fit in".

I was wrong.

That was why in 2021, I came here to write that a housewife that is playing her role effectively and efficiently without bringing a dime is not a liability.

It took me years into marriage to realize this.

My lovely wife is a hard worker.

And I have seen and still seeing the results of her hardwork on our lovely children.

Our children are so smart and they're high flyers in their schools.

Not only that, they are well behaved and very respectful and contented with what they have.

All made possible because of my lovely wife.

As a man, if you have a wife like mine, please be kind and be patient with her.

Yes, she may not be bringing money, but that's not her primary role or responsibility.

Your Lovely wife is more valuable to you than the money that you hope to be getting from her.

Only if you will open your brain and mind to understand me.

End.

[Àgbà John Doe @jon_d_doe]

If I were the Nigerian government, I'll ban all social media content or skit makers from promoting any betting platforms.

These betting platforms have made many of us lazy, and it has ruined many lives and families.

Betting platforms are a ponzy scheme.

End.

[Àgbà John Doe @jon_d_doe]

How can anyone say Chelsea fans no dey get sense?

The best club in the world.

Make una dey take time ooo.

End.

[Àgbà John Doe @jon_d_doe]

You can't walk away from every violent situation with your girlfriend or wife.

And you shouldn't.

Quarrels are part of relationship or marriage.

You are the man who is the leader and must look for ways to deescalate the situation.

And then you assess the genesis of it and learn from it.

Women are naturally strong headed and daring.

Especially to men that have seen their nakedness.

You'll never find a perfect woman.

But you must find a woman that you can lead and she'll learn to be submissive to you as a wife.

Because submission is earned and not a given just because you're her husband.

A woman does not automatically become a submissive wife just because you have married her.

How you lead her will determine how well she'll be submissive to you.

So you need to prepare your mind.

Women will always act like adult babies.

Will you disown your child just because he or she is throwing some tantrums?

Women throw tantrums frequently.

As long as she's with the man who she sees as her boyfriend or husband.

Stop judging women romantically from the way your female colleagues or bosses behave in the office.

End.

[Benson @BNXN]

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[Benson @BNXN]

I never look at another man’s work with envy..

[iam_sanche @iam__sanche]

@CruzzyTYE 5hrs!

[Premier League @premierleague]

Cole Palmer 🥶

[Gary Goodridge @garyhgoodridge]

What’s meant for you won’t require you to beg for it.

[Gary Goodridge @garyhgoodridge]

Let your life be evidence that good things are still possible.

[iam_sanche @iam__sanche]

@jon_d_doe 😂😂