Morgan Roger

I am Morgan Roger. I am writer and creator of funny things. Morgan Roger I am.

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

My mom cleans before she deep cleans like I shave before I get waxed and my girlfriend would like the same courtesy

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

I just got a notification about a notification... is anyone else having simulation problems?

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

If anyone asks, I have 20+ boxes of @ladygaga Oreos because Target has a minimum requirement for delivery orders

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

Happy Valentine’s Day to my newfound love of butts. A butting relationship, if you will

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

in·san·i·ty /inˈsanədē/ | noun: my girlfriend failing to poach an egg the same exact way over and over again and expecting different results

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

I watch “90 Day Fiancé” but if anyone asks, who’s 90? What day is? And what’s a finance?

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

Lessons I’ve learned living alone: a cheese plate for one is just a block of cheese

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

My girlfriend cleans my Converse. What can I say, she likes my clean white bottom

[unethical monogamy @shrekha_]

im reasonably sure John Paul Jones is actually a golden retriever who was turned into a human man by a witch and who was only on #TheBachelorette in hopes of receiving true love’s kiss to break the curse—i pray he finds this on BIP and can soon revert to his true canine form

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

@IISuperwomanII Just shot with Brandon Rogers at Poinsettia Park, where you’ll find an indoor basketball court that doubles as a kid’s t-ball field/court. Outdoor courts too

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

The One with the Terpene Tasting - HIGH, I’M MORGAN
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📹 @ac_field
🎥 bberknyc
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#link #in #bio #cannabis #pot #weed #weedhumor #comedy #webseries #stoner #terpenes #winetasting #dab @… https://t.co/0XMTN1sr1U

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

@kumailn @kumailn We voted.

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

@HannahSimone @funko Just added Stefan Meyers, Alison Hendrix, and Mister Rogers to my collection, but this changes the pop game. These are only limited because I will be getting them all once I can figure out where and how?

[Saturday Night Live @nbcsnl]

*mic drop* #SNLPremiere

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

Cannabis is legal in California for recreational cannabis users, medicinal cannabis users, and business class users...? @Civilized_Life https://t.co/zsfxG7CO8N

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

@JimmyKimmelLive @IssaRae Need a backup backup boom operator? She's not kidding, I am she.

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

Trying to figure out why I texted myself "Modern Floristry"

[Morgan Roger @iammorganroger]

@CoyneJordan Mr. Roger would like pockets on every article of clothing... underwear and socks included please and thank you.

[Colleen Scriven @ColleenScrivs]

I'm so excited to be able to share this news and start this journey. Thank to the friends and fans who have supported myself and the show. Away we go!
https://t.co/WH35yjkNNK