Ian Taylor

Narrative Designer for (various). Writer/Comedian. Author of Spindle. Creator of Widget Ridge. Autistic. SJW. He/Him. Has not heard of you either.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

Doctor says "treatment is simple. Horny sluts are in your area."

Man bursts into tears. Says "but doctor, I *am* horny sluts!"

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

Me: the algorithm hasn't found my autism yet.

The algorithm:

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

The waitress puts the plate in front of me using her ungloved hands and tells me dont touch the plate its too hot I know she's calling me a little bitch but I still want her to enjoy her meal with a hearty "you too" when she asks me to enjoy mine because I'm a goddamn gentleman.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@joerussotweets They should make murder illegal too.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

The best Jurassic Park film is the one about man's hubris and science run amuck.

The worst Jurassic Park film is the one about man's hubris and science run amuck.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@WhiteHouse @HHSGov @SecKennedy And lightbulbs

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

ME AT KARAOKE: Do you have the jeopardy thinking music

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@RonFilipkowski "Home is where your heart is" unless you're foreign in which case home is where you were born we don't care if you chose to come here as a child how dare you?

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

Trump is building a ballroom because he misunderstood when Clinton told him "don't neglect the balls"

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@rambenzeev @AP Your religion can tell you what you can and can't do. That's why it's called "your religion".

It's not mine. If I want your religion to also be mine, I'll come find you.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@Bubblebathgirl @harryjsisson What work does he do?

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@almadrigal I forgot how good you were on this show.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@Herbalbobcat106 @PatRyanUC @AdelitaForAZ So why won't he?

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@MickShmiggler @pur3profit20 @GavinNewsom Why does your phone smell like a dick?

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@VitoComedy Seems normal for red.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@Anne8065 @ReichlinMelnick @rachbarnhart @USCIS So why are they going after legal paths to citizenship? If anything, they should be making it easier.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@VitoComedy Definitely some.

Next comic: oops all racism

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@esjesjesj It's muddy.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

Today I released some files just to see how easy it was and it turns out it was super easy.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

@VitoComedy It's like when you clack the tongs before you use them.

[Ian Taylor @ianzu]

After transporting it several times for my lovely wife, I have determined that avocado toast is for people that enjoy crunchy warm bread, but also wished it smelled more like a medieval grave.