Kortney Schmitt

running on chaos, coffee, and curse words

[Kortney Schmitt @ikortneyschmitt]

I just got ridiculed for celebrating the fact that I am giving birth to a baby girl. I am GROWING a human life inside of me for 9 months. I will celebrate this.

[MSG @TheGarden]

Second to last 😢 @Harry_Styles #HSLOTMSG

[You Are Home @youarehome]

would you if you could?

[Kortney Schmitt @ikortneyschmitt]

$ikortneyschmitt

[Cash App @CashApp]

We want you to feel pretty. Follow @cashapp, then RT this for the chance to win a 99% off Bath & Body Works Boost (max discount $25). #CashApp99off

[Kortney Schmitt @ikortneyschmitt]

@ikortneyschmitt this girls a dog mama to 4 (look at them)

[Venmo @Venmo]

For Pet Month, we’re giving away 10k to buy all the treats for your besties 😼💸 Drop your Venmo handle & RT to enter #VenmoMe

Must follow @Venmo. No purch nec. Ends 5/4. US only, 18+. Venmo acct req’d. Rules: https://t.co/TH3YX7POWN

[Kortney Schmitt @ikortneyschmitt]

@Venmo For sure my friend has a great weekend

[Victoria M. Walker @vikkie]

My dog, who does not pay rent or bills and is, himself, a bill, has sighed three times in the past five minutes.

[jeni ♡ @thepisceanaura]

❀ dear fire sign, your strength is to be admired—you can get through anything. whatever challenges come your way, you are capable of overcoming, & a reward will *always* follow. there’s a laundry list of manifestations you have; you’ll be scratching things off, one by one!

[Kortney Schmitt @ikortneyschmitt]

how have I made it this far with the same voicemail greeting from 6th grade

[Kortney Schmitt @ikortneyschmitt]

Venmo - ikortneyschmitt @Karmellers #VenmoItForward

[Venmo @Venmo]

We’re giving out $10K to help you make those money moves. 🤑 RT w/ your Venmo & tag a friend. You both might get $100, $250 or $500. #VenmoItForward

Must follow @Venmo. No purch nec. Ends 3/22. US only, 18+. Venmo acct req’d. Rules: https://t.co/PkH55SVjgn

[Venmo @Venmo]

We’re giving out $10K to help you make those money moves. 🤑 RT w/ your Venmo & tag a friend. You both might get $100, $250 or $500. #VenmoItForward

Must follow @Venmo. No purch nec. Ends 3/22. US only, 18+. Venmo acct req’d. Rules: https://t.co/PkH55SVjgn

[Kortney Schmitt @ikortneyschmitt]

rice cakes with peanut butter and banana >>>

[Kortney Schmitt @ikortneyschmitt]

adding this to my list of reasons why dating sucks

[Sophie Vershbow @svershbow]

Men will ask you to confirm how you're going to stay thin for them before asking what you do for work.

[Kortney Schmitt @ikortneyschmitt]

Kyle getting a post breakup nose ring is iconic @LoveisBlindShow

[Sophie Vershbow @svershbow]

I love when dogs put themselves to bed. Yes you self-care king, listen to your body and do what feels right.

[nesrin danan @blackprints]

happy international womens day send a woman money today

[Midwest vs. The Rest @midwestern_ope]

“You can’t go from a tornado to 4 inches of snow in 24 hours”

Midwest: hold my corn

[gigi @420insidejob]

for lent im giving up

[Kati Kokal @katikokal]

all I want is rent that doesn’t have four digits is that too much to ask

[nick wright @getnickwright]

QR Codes replacing paper menus as the default option at restaurants might be the single best example of a supposed technological advancement simply making things far, far worse & more complicated with literally no tangible benefit to the consumer whatsoever.