ILANA COHN

Writer, Director, Actor. You may find me doing stand up... somewhere.

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

@elonmusk I assume you’re talking about your trans daughter that you disowned. I’m sure Taylor would lovingly take care of your beautiful girl. You on the other hand she wouldn’t touch with a 10 ft hot flaming pole.

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

@realDonaldTrump Go away!

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

@shaycarl Only one of these guys is a convicted felon.

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

@JoeBiden That’s unkind to the entire cat species. Let’s be real. He is a delusional, racist monster.

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

@ClimberX13 yup. Did we all get robbed?

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

Maybe Tenacious D can get the band back together and make a song to support the @WGAWest. It’s “The Greatest and Best Final Offer… Tribute.”

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

@rtrhelp why am i getting charged for a service I never used?! HELP!

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

@vans12njinca You book me a show and I’m there.

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

Took my first solo trip to NYC in over a decade! I’m so excited, but also my cat is at home, dying, and I’m not with her or my kids. So if you see me and I spontaneously become a puddle, this is why. Good idea to do some stand up this weekend? I love a risk!

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

Just watched episode 3 of The Last of Us, was not expecting to be leveled by the greatest love story of the year. #BillandFrank forever!

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

It looks like she forgot to do her school project and her dad hit up the dollar store then pulled an all nighter high on coke. #MissUniverse

[alex @alex_abads]

the United States of America, a country known for restraint and modesty

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

If you’ve never popped out of the shower mid shampoo to look up a Yiddish word, are you really even Jewish? #jewishhumor #realquestion

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

So grateful to have been part of Brad’s acting community. He was my first real acting teacher in LA and I spent years in those classes becoming an artist. He was a gentle giant and a force and built something really special. Rest in peace Brad Henke. Sending love to your family❤️

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

@taylorswift13 fans crashed @Ticketmaster! I feel both proud of her and very sad.

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

I like to picture @kanyewest at home listening to @taylorswift13’s Midnights wondering if Vigilante Shit is about him as he weeps into his Yeezys.

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

Doing stand up with some lovely people this Saturday. There will be dinner and drinks. We are at home in Los Feliz so DM me for the address!!! Have to limit access to any axe murderers.

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

@laynemorgan Did this. The burnout is real! Working my way back to the world. Loved your baby writers episode.

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

Watching @elonmusk negotiate with @StephenKing on a price for the verified check mark makes me feel like the time is closing in on when we all jump ship to the new timeline of this life simulation in which we all seem to be trapped.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

@StephenKing We need to pay the bills somehow! Twitter cannot rely entirely on advertisers. How about $8?

[ILANA COHN @ilanainla]

They better beef up security at #keds!

[Pop Base @PopBase]

After Adidas dropped him, Kanye West showed up uninvited to Skechers headquarters to try and find a new home for his Yeezy shoes, but was immediately escorted out.

Skechers is owned and operated by a Jewish family.