Batman

enjoy

[Batman @imbatmav]

Luv: cures sadness & creates states of euphoria

Side effects may include sadness,heart pain, less $

Talk to ur mom to c if Luv is rite 4 u

[Batman @imbatmav]

*Walks quickly by a flyer*
"FREE orange julius and cheese munching"

Me: Mmmm yes!! Where!??

*stops to Look closer*
"Free Julian Assange and Chelsea Manning"

Me: why am I punished like this

[Batman @imbatmav]

Cuddling with bae

[Batman @imbatmav]

Yes. The ideal and quality response to any email I send

[Batman @imbatmav]

Therapist: You seem different today

Me: yeah

Therapist: Want to talk about it?

Me: well it's just that I realized I only visualize Philip Seymour Hoffman wearing skintight, slightly see-through white clothing.

Therapist:

Me: I feel like he should be wearing something looser.

[Batman @imbatmav]

Asked a guy at the bar who looked ready to cry, if he was ok. He's stressed cuz too many people are coming to his jam session & he cant think of songs that wil include everyone

Which is a nice reminder to appreciate someone hosting, & not invite ur friend TOM WHO ATE ALL MY M&MS

[Batman @imbatmav]

Seeing my hero, Brian May, stand out in the Oscars crowd, like some 16th century ghost of Santa, greatly satisfies me. I sleep well knowing I couldn't have missed him at the conference we both attended

[Batman @imbatmav]

France has got some weird customs. My first day and I can't even carry around enough baguettes to rub on people's mouth while they are talking. Don't know how they do it

[Batman @imbatmav]

I'm convinced a standing ovation starting from the front of an audience is meaningless, cause everyone else just stands up to see what's going on and not have ass in their face

[Batman @imbatmav]

Going to a vegan sushi place during the Superbowl was a surreal experience. No one cared about sports. They just wanted to moan while eating non-fish fish rolls & benefit from the reduced wait times. Moss, fire, & sake being tossed like the ole pigskin to the most vegan soul with

[Batman @imbatmav]

One day closer to my ultimate fantasy of watching 15 minutes of Jake Gyllenhaal cleaning his fishbowl

[Batman @imbatmav]

Just watched Beautiful Boy. Wasn't expecting a 2 hour slow zoom into framed pictures of a boy, but I think the Eagles soundtrack really tied it all together

[Batman @imbatmav]

Aphrodite's off-by-one error: When a date describes their roommate they hate, and that roommate sounds like a great fit for you

[Batman @imbatmav]

@biancsrich23 *liver quits instead*

[Batman @imbatmav]

Hugh Jackman glides his fingers over his abs. How did the frozen ravioli he swallowed years ago align in such an aesthetically pleasing way, he wonders

[Batman @imbatmav]

I still love you

*Scoops up melted ice cream off the street*

[Batman @imbatmav]

How am I supposed to enjoy this song after seeing its thumbnail

[Batman @imbatmav]

I don't like whatever I think it is that Granny Smith is up to

[Batman @imbatmav]

@mac_caldwell_ So good! And the post-credit scene alone was worth the ticket price

[Batman @imbatmav]

A San Francisco Christmas:

✔️ Antichrist party and film screening
✔️ E-scooter with empty Fireball bottle lodged in it
✔️ Guy vaping while riding a knee-high Segway
✔️ Naked men hanging mistletoes off the peen
❌ Jack Black telling me that I'm beautiful
✔️ Ice cream