Ayush Jaiswal

Master of spontaneous witticisms
*finger guns*

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

indian mums be like - "kya kiya hai bta do, nahi maarungi" - and asking why we grow up to have trust issues

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

you ever fucked up so bad that you can almost hear the laughter track going in the background?

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

🎶 if you're happy and you know it then
ponder over the futility of existence and how you're just an astronomically insignificant smudge on a pale blue dot hurling through an infinite expanse of nothingness 🎶

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

fines are just pay-to-win hack for life

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

thinking abt the time when my brain's autopilot misfired and I kept trying to plug my book in charging; annoyed to death because I couldn't find the charging slot among the pages.

I wonder if that's how they came up with the idea of Kindle?

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

Chai/Coffee is socially acceptable alcoholism.

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

@Yash_Agrawal99 On a scale of stuff toy to a floof, how huggable are you?

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

@prashanttgs @Abhishek__31 Isn't Philosophy just overthinking for the masses?

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

Next time you feel like crumbling under peer pressure, remember the anti-dote your parents gave you as a kid-

"वो कुएं में कूदेंगे तो क्या तुम भी कूद जाओगे?"

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

"Out of sight, out of mind"
which roughly translates to-
"Best way of dealing with life, is going blind".

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

midlife-crisis is when you have completed all the objectives and you're left on free roam for the rest of your life.

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

You know you've hit the rock bottom when you start measuring your days by the amount of episodes you can watch in it.

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

@prashanttgs @ParikPatelCFA In my defense, we aren't having Holocausts anymore so gotta earn the clout any way possible

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

@prashanttgs I need this lvl of optimism in my life. Wish you luck.

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

procrastination is funny bc we are so desperate to get rid of the responsibility tht we shove it on our future-self. It's like having a group project with yourself.

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

@ArunimaKhunteta

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

hey gurl, are you gravity?

cause you letting everyone down around you✨

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

do you ever look at yourself and switch to Third Person View and go - whoever is controlling this character has got some huge fucking issues?

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

Do you ever wonder if God meant to create you or you were probably just a shitpost?

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

King Lear is Baghban before it was cool. There, I said it.

[Ayush Jaiswal @imma_dll]

"Let's evolve into sentient hoomans", they said.
"It'll be fun", they said.