haley

voted sexiest joke writer of the year

[haley @imnothaleyy]

hey does anyone want to sublet my apartment for 45mins while I go to trader joes? it would be around 10k but I am flexible

[haley @imnothaleyy]

So no one wants to preform the confrontation song from Les MIs at the Silverlake Bacari

[haley @imnothaleyy]

Hold music for the Canadian government phone number is bossanova

[haley @imnothaleyy]

At the DMV: hahaha so you guys take AfterPay right?

[haley @imnothaleyy]

Trying to find a hobby in your mid 20s is so hard why doesn’t it say if the kayaking class I just signed up for is BYOK OR NOT

[haley @imnothaleyy]

Last night was an episode of girls (I saw vampire weekend and almost passed out from dehydration)

[haley @imnothaleyy]

Just turning 25 and started saying shit like “this lineup is stacked” about a plaza with both a TJmaxx and a Nordstrom rack

[haley @imnothaleyy]

You’ve got a 9 to 5 and I work the graveyard shift at the Chateau Mormont

[Acyn @Acyn]

Trudeau: We’re probably going to keep booing the American anthem. But let me tell Americans, we're not booing you. We're not booing your teams. We're not booing your players. We're booing a policy that is designed to hurt us.

And we're insulted. And we're angry. But we're Canadian. Which means we're going to stand up for each other. We're going to fight. And we're going to win.

[haley @imnothaleyy]

Living in my own personal Severance seeing 3 customers at Whole Foods after work today

[haley @imnothaleyy]

I hate being an adult like it’s Thursday and I’m trying to hype myself up to go get an oil change who am I

[verona @tiltyouback]

if we didn’t have david lynch, we wouldn’t have riverdale which means we wouldn’t have ethel cain preacher’s daughter ….. makes u think

[paige hettinger @404paigenotfnd]

no piece of art has shown as much understanding of and affection for david lynch as riverdale. in no way, shape or form is this even slightly a joke.

[zoë rose bryant @zoerosebryant]

it’d be so funny if everyone tunes into timothée’s snl episode (understandably) expecting him to sing bob dylan and then the first performance starts and he breaks out into you’ve never had chocolate like this

[haley @imnothaleyy]

Watching This Is The End while evacuated feels really appropriate right now

[mahrukh @parhloumahrukh]

“it is what it is” *vomits from anxiety*

[bald ann dowd @ali_sivi]

[watching romeo and juliet on broadway] ohhh okay i get it. it's like john b and sarah

[haley @imnothaleyy]

sometimes I’m like if Jason Segal was a girl

[haley @imnothaleyy]

There’s something about picking the most chaotic double feature to watch on a plane….. yasssss uncut gems x Lyle Lyle crocodile

[haley @imnothaleyy]

@Pussyjaxkson Yasss don’t worry

[haley @imnothaleyy]

Came across a reminder from myself to myself from when I went out in weho and lost my wallet….