ImproperlyForward

finding balance in a world of beautiful contradictions.

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

The doorbell camera has done more for my social anxiety than any drug.
*dongdong*
Me: pushes microphone button “NOT INTERESTED”
*click*
Done. Fini. Terminado.
Takes a bow.
#talesfromsuburbia

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

home https://t.co/yZrI4ntqYU

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

https://t.co/KVpAVHKvgH

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

live to love another day https://t.co/m9ar3sLN25

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

let’s do this https://t.co/80CsXPEt7O

[Dan Rather @DanRather]

If it takes 50 votes to confirm a Supreme Court justice, it should only take 50 votes to overrule them when they act like highly-partisan politicians.

[Glennon Doyle @GlennonDoyle]

having a hard time sharing public space with Men Appearing Unbothered. i want to ask how many abortions they've required in their lifetimes. need them to find a way to at least fucking appear concerned.

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

Actual thought just now:
Remember when I could cough really hard without peeing? God those were the good years. #middleageproblems

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

Just taught my kid the difference between ha, hey and hay and I feel like I’m doing the lords work down here one grammar lesson at a time.

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

Yep. Literally held my breath with wide eyes for a sec.

[Jonna @jonniker]

Legit was terrified she was going to break out into Let’s Get Loud and take off her coat, like it was the Super Bowl

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

@jonniker Did you see him when they were waving goodbye to Pence? He bent to look in the window with a little wave just like my granny would. He’s a national f*ing treasure!

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

@Katieandtheboys @grace134 Think of all the sacrifices you make on account of his profession. Take the perks when you can get them!

[Jen @TheNextMartha]

::prints pictures of gifts not arriving in time, puts them in a box and wraps it::

#Christmas2020

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

@meghangwine I’m convinced that moving truck parked at the White House yesterday was loading up her essentials. She already peaced out of there.

[Jemele Hill @jemelehill]

I don’t know who did this, but take a bow

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

@npowell Oh yes. If that was our situation that man could do it his damn self! 😂

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

To all of my 115 followers (three of whom actually see my tweets,) if I post a request for $ for bitcoin it’s 100% real and you should definitely send me money. Obviously.

[ImproperlyForward @improperlykeli]

@HeandSheShow They would have preferred the MAGA hat to a mask, for sure.