Nick

[Nick @Imrithril]

@maiab Nearly 80% of the trouble I have when wrangling 2 under 2 is that they both want to be picked up at the same time - and it's always the worst moment.

[Nick @Imrithril]

Hit a pot hole so badly the toddler scolded me from the back seat.

[Nick @Imrithril]

I don't know why all the smart people are worried about AI being smarter than them. Eddie Hall isn't worried that a forklift lifts more than him.

[Adam Sharp @AdamCSharp]

CHILD PRAYING MANTIS: Dad, who are we all praying to exactly?
DAD PRAYING MANTIS: Depends which religion you belong to
CHILD: So not all bugs follow the same religion?
DAD: No, son… we’re in sects

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

my music taste diverse as fuck. you can call me polyjammerous.. shit, you could even call me genrefluid

[Nick @Imrithril]

@meta_boli If the potato diet reliably gives you nausea after 3 weeks, do you think ozempic would do the same?

[Thinkwert @Thinkwert]

Warning: video make cause extreme desire to have more children

[Nick @Imrithril]

Why isn't the butterfly an Easter animal? It dies, it comes back gloriously reborn!

[no earthquake (ear flu victim) @no_earthquake]

i cant believe they finally made a prequel

[Nick @Imrithril]

@Matthew35593578 @sam_empie @AbudBakri I was going to say the exact same thing! My SIL swears by it!

[RednBlackSalamander @9mmballpoint]

This is what Britain looks like normally, but back in the 2000s they could still import color from the EU

[PUNS @ThePunnyWorld]

Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: I can do the Bowie part, but I don't have the upper range to sing the Freddie part.

[Nick @Imrithril]

Nobody warns you how much of childcare is just bending and lifting increasingly large weights at awkward angles.

[Nick @Imrithril]

@EO_Nutrition @MetabolicHell Food $200
Data $150
Rent $800
Thiamine $3,600
Utility $150
someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

[Nick @Imrithril]

@jamie247 But I'm a normie 🥲

[Nick @Imrithril]

Some people treat doctors like they're psychics:
"Why am I describing my symptoms to you? You're the professional. You tell me what's wrong."
People don't even know what medication they're taking or what it does:
"Not my business - the doctor should know."

[Nick @Imrithril]

The sun came out this week and I instinctively filled the shopping basket with fruit. Maybe the time of soup is over.