luke [from online]

Inventor. Visionary. !!! Vine Superstar and Google Founder

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

[God looking at a pug dog for the first time] what the fuck did you humans do with my bad ass wolf I gave you?

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

When you are a literal piece of shit

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

If somebody told me in 2020 we will experience WW3, mass fires in Australia and a massive global virus pandemic. I would have said Carole Baskins killed her husband in 1997 and fed his body to the tigers

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

@dascool23 And worse than ever

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

Me (blowing bubbles through a straw to demonstrate how I mix cocktails): so did I get the position?

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

@denverbros I don't have any excuses

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

@brockvereen If you could fly me a bowl please. Would be good! Thanks

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

[sees a zebra for the first time]
What's up with that horse?
[sees a giraffe for the first time]
Okay, what the hell is going on today?

[jake aka Yawn Bon Jovi @LakeJosen]

Coworker: well I did it, I had “the talk” with my son last night.
Me: whoa, the sex talk huh?
Coworker: hell no, the “don’t eat laundry detergent talk”

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

"Hey YouTube! It's me luke" I say to nobody as I lay in bed.
"Be sure to like and subscribe for more content" I say again to nobody, rolling over.

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

I'm back on Twitter and I still don't even like @EJGomez

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

@matthinkamp Negative I wish

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

@matthinkamp Im back and I'm rowdy. Are you an SE/EE now?

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

Mom: just act fancy. Girls like when a guy is fancy and classy
*Later on date*
Me: I eat fancy feast

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

Net neutrality may be gone but legally anybody can still Photoshop a poop emoji on Ajit Pai's head

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

LPT: If you still want to view the eclipse but don't have the proper viewing glasses you can just use a pair of binoculars!

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

*literally anything bad happens*
News: millennials I tell ya.

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

Oh. Okay this all makes sense now. Everybody's actions were justified. Open and shut case. https://t.co/t4UNjlBqJR

[Courier Journal @courierjournal]

#BREAKING David Dao, the Elizabethtown doctor yanked from the United flight, has a troubled past in Kentucky https://t.co/pzkLLonJLG

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

"We are sorry you're upset!" United Airlines CEO