iph

Mirth for the masses

[iph @iph]

"Don't you" and "don't chew" can sound very similar.

[iph @iph]

When a document has a page that says, "This page intentionally left blank." it is no longer blank. It should probably say, "This page intentionally useless."

[iph @iph]

When eating a sandwich with multiple ingredients, I take several smaller bites from adjacent areas to maximize component variety.

[iph @iph]

There was a time when people would just pick up the phone and call someone they wanted to talk to. Today, you are expected to text first to see if its ok to call.

[iph @iph]

Fortunately, many people end phrases with "going forward" which is reassuring since it immediately rules out time travel.

[iph @iph]

The show @hereandnow should more accurately be called "Potentially located nearby (but not exclusively) and occurring within a few hours of this broadcast or at some more distant past" but, arguably, does not roll off the tongue quite as easily.

[iph @iph]

When drying off after a shower, if I don't use the same sequence, it can be difficult to know what part to dry next.

[iph @iph]

If your name ends in "y" does it sometimes end in "i"?

[iph @iph]

#IfYouBuildIt, you may incur property tax.

[iph @iph]

If a cloud has a lining other than more cloud material, that may be cause for concern.

[iph @iph]

When #cowboys reach adulthood they really should be called #cowmen.

[iph @iph]

Live every day not like its your last one but like its #WorldKidneyDay.

[iph @iph]

Yelling #bingo during a #colonoscopy is generally considered bad form.

[iph @iph]

If you were a #shoe, let's face it, you wouldn't be reading this.

[iph @iph]

If you had one wish for any kind of ranch you wanted, a #qtip ranch should not be on the top of that list.

[iph @iph]

Thoughts on #linens: Before #towels were invented, did people look around for the most #absorbent #woodland creature? One with an #agreeable countenance?

[iph @iph]

It is not illegal if there's no law against it.

[iph @iph]

I am always reassured when someone says they are "age N, going on N+1" thereby ruling out #TIMETRAVEL.

[iph @iph]

If you ever see the #GravyTrain, rest assured that it will be closely followed by the mashed potato train.

[iph @iph]

If we have #icebergs then we should also have steambergs.