Gayan

Twitter: Making real the phrase, a little bird told me.

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

"Are you aware that you were going 20 miles per hour above the speed limit?"

"Yeah but Danger Zone was on."

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

Take a drink every time you watch CNN and the headline isn't about Trump.

I call this drinking game "sobriety"

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

Goddamn bane masks at the gym

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

And so we honk on, cars trapped in traffic, borne ceasefully down the 405.

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

"Why is 100 afraid of 100?"

"Why?"

"Because 100 plus 100 is 1000."

This kid is a comedic genius.

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

How do you say "please keep it down, I have work at 8 tomorrow" in Owl?

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

On the plus side, it's the year's shortest Monday.

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

There is a man singing a beautiful rendition of nessun dorma... in my gym's bathroom.

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

Accidentally took an extra dose of beano, feel like I could digest a tectonic plate

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

@Dputamadre I'm doing an analysis of tweets during the Libyan revolution. Care to follow me so I can ask some questions over PM?

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

Just understood a joke on a Buzzfeed article, where do I go to pick up my Physics degree?

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

Doctor: Do you eat fruits and vegetables?
Patient: You know how cup noodles have those-
Doctor: Get out.

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

I eat a lot scrambled eggs, by which I mean I'm bad at making omelets.

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

They shouldn't have to specify "shake well, with cap on". And yet, my kitchen is covered in egg whites.

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

@UCLADataFest Rapids City (49310)

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

Watch out everyone, I think there are a bunch of skunks outside tonight!

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

Happy Siblings day, Gayan. Thanks Gayan, you too.

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

What dress? All I see are two men facing each other...

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

Few things get me more excited than the words "feat. Andre 3000"

[Gayan @its_guy_awn]

Almost started a conversation with a 4th grader by asking what his major was...