Jack Miller

[Janel Comeau 🍁 @VeryBadLlama]

athlete: so if triathlon is running, biking and swimming, that must mean biathlon is running and biking?

coach: [taking out skis and a gun] haha yeah you’d think so

[brewster @brewsternova]

Nobody bools anymore. In high school everyone was booling

[General Steez @generalsteez69]

Forever isn’t talked about enough. 4 legends just going absolutely nuclear. Hang it in the Louvre. Make it the alternate national anthem.

[Autism Capital 🧩 @AutismCapital]

The new PE teacher after Trump signed the Phys Ed Executive Order 🤣💀

[rudy betrayed @rudy_betrayed]

“The big bang theory doesn’t make sense”

Buddy nothing makes sense. What the hell is a black hole

We don’t even know what’s at the bottom of the ocean

You’re reading this message on a rectangle of melted sand with a chip inside that harnesses the power of lightning

[Le'Veon Bell @LeVeonBell]

if you’re a guy and you’re having a bad day just remember no one really cares ..

[stepfanie tyler @stepfanie]

“abolish capitalism!”

cool. who grows the food???

no seriously—who’s out there at dawn breaking their back in the dirt, fixing broken irrigation lines, replacing a tractor axle in 110° heat—for free? because you think profit is mean?

who mines the lithium for your laptop, the cobalt for your EV battery, the iron for your train rails? who refines it? who ships it? who builds the ships? who insures them when they catch fire in the middle of the ocean?

who unloads the containers at the port? who drives the truck across 4 states? who services the diesel engine at the roadside stop in Nebraska when it breaks at 3am?

who keeps track of inventory, repairs the refrigeration system, updates the software, cleans the floors, builds the shelves, trains the workers, manages the risk, pays the legal fees, replaces the lightbulbs, handles the theft, the overtime, the breakdowns, the lawsuits?

who coordinates all of this across time zones and continents without profit?

you think the whole supply chain is just gonna keep running because everyone suddenly caught a case of the warm fuzzies???

you think people are going to wake up and go do hard, thankless, physical labor for vibes?

capitalism doesn’t work because people are good. it works because people are selfish and it figured out how to harness that into infrastructure. it’s the only system that survives human nature without needing to rewrite it

you kill profit, you kill production. you kill production, you kill logistics. you kill logistics, and suddenly it’s day four of your anti-capitalist utopia and the shelves are empty, the power’s out, the pharmacy’s closed, and nobody knows how to fix a fucking thing

anti-capitalism isn’t a philosophy. it’s a death wish dressed up as a virtue signal

it’s the aesthetic of rebellion powered by an iPhone, subsidized by Uber Eats, and resting on 400 years of industrial infrastructure you take for granted because you’ve never built a single useful thing in your life

you’re not oppressed. you’re just ungrateful

and the second you get your little no-profit revolution, you’ll find out exactly how long society runs on vibes: about three days, give or take—then the generators fail and you’re boiling rainwater so you can heat up your shitty powdered food

[Dan Carney @DanManCarney]

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doin pretty good

[College Football Classics @ClassicsCFB]

Missouri fan gets KO’d (2003)

[Right Wing Dad 🇺🇸 @RightWingDad]

Tucker: Do you know the muffin man?

Ted: The muffin man?

Tucker: The muffin man

Ted: No. I don’t know him personally.

(Tucker laughs maniacally)

Tucker: How can you know anything about Drury Lane if you’ve never met the muffin man?! 🤣

[Rock @TheCensoredRock]

Congrats to everyone who protested yesterday! You didn’t change anything but at least you fatties got some exercise

[₩₳Ɽ ₱₳₮Ⱨ @WarPath2pt0]

Kids: Growing up without a cell phone must have been the worst--

Me:

[Michael Bruntz @michaelbruntz]

Adrian Martinez scoring a touchdown on the wall of an airport in Norway? #Huskers

[The Architect. @TheMarcitect]

Blocking out the sun while simultaneously building solar panel farms has to be the most obvious sign we are being fucked with on a grand scale.

[B.W. Carlin @BaileyCarlin]

Going to be awkward when Shedeur has to go back to Colorado and wear a different number since they retired his