Howard Pouches

wanna sprite cranberry?

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

You're in her DMs. I'm in the writers room of United States of Al rewriting the fall of Kabul into my episode while a CBS exec holds a gun to my head muttering under his breath "we're fucked, we're so fucked"

[Jomboy Media @JomboyMedia]

This was Dodgers fan on Monday night making their way into Angel Stadium:

[Retropolis @retropolisart]

Directed by David Lynch.

[CheeseheadTV 🧀 @cheeseheadtv]

😂😂😂😂

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

chugging a four loko and pulling trig all over a Claude Monet painting in protest over the wrongful banning of James Corden from Balthazar

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

got outside the map at Spirit Halloween and now fuckin around and exploring the empty Sears it’s in

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

when the CBD-infused sparkling water from Lassens kicks in

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

good will hunting remake but its about a janitor at a sperm bank who's secretly really good at jacking off

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

Angels baseball is so much more offensive than this

[Carol Eggers @ceggersmidwest]

Can someone tell ⁦@FOXSports⁩ never to do this again? Beyond offensive.

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

You say ketchup - I say hot dog
You say mustard - I say hot dog
You say peppers & onions - I say hot dog
You say toasty bun - I say hot dog

92% of teenagers have turned to toppings and buns. Like this if you are part of the 8% that still throats down a plain hot dog.

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

silver lake dog park is the kind of dog park where the dogs names will be like Tim or Sarah while their owners legal birth names are Patches and Cucumber

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

doused myself in animal blood and yelled about my uncle at my LA fitness zumba class cause i saw the northman do it last weekend

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

ten minutes ago, i set up a game of solitaire with actual cards on an actual table and about 45 seconds later i lost. i could reshuffle the cards and give it another go or I could literally go fuck myself

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

@sweetjaegs they don’t have tops but they do have them in boxes you fool

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

me (in the back of Ross with security guards being questioned for shoplifting): you have no proof, that could be anyone

me (in the security cam footage looking straight at the camera with a box of shoes): hi i’m jack storbeck and this is the Merchandise Heist

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

just got a happy ending from my chiropractor

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

@seanoconnz in the alternate reality where i’m named janks storbeck i’m day drinking in the downtown disney house of blues and begging the owner to give my van halen cover band another chance after our tasteless tribute to eddie

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

If the events from last night renew interest in the ABC family show The Slap like I think it will and a reboot is greenlit, I hearby demand Hollywood place me as it’s rightful showrunner and creative leader or I swear to god I will kill myself upon a pile of my Slap spec scripts

[Howard Pouches @jackstorbeck]

i have had the meat sweats for my entire life