Jaclyn Kolbert

[Luke Leifeste @lukeleifeste]

.@AliKolbert is the Kathie Lee AND Hoda of our generation #buildbrunch

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

Honestly what's with female deodorant? Like sometimes I feel like I need more than "silent dove" can I get some old spice BEARHUNTER

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

Um I took my dog for a walk & my friend turned to me & said "Are you not gonna wipe her?" She was NOT kidding. Wtf Do ppl wipe their dogs?

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

anytime someone shows me their tattoos
me: cool what's it mean
them: oh cause I had a whole thing & then I wanted to remember
me: wow great

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

Hey @McDonalds you should sell onion rings

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

When I was 13 I asked this guy to a dance over Facebook bc I was chill AF. Decided to follow up 10 years later & he still doesn't get it.

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

America is not great again America is not great again American is not great again America is not great again America is not great again

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

I don't want to get super political but we shouldn't kill each other

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

My dog is an escape artist.

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

How am I supposed to "yes and" my scene partner when I can't even "yes and" myself

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

The closest thing white girls own to weapons are their 7 pound swell water bottles

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

If I leave my dog alone for more than two minutes my apartment literally becomes panic at the fucking disco

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

Has anyone ever used the cold setting on blow dryers? What is that for? Looking windswept in selfies?

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

Pervert!!

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

When couples get married after a month and are like "when you know you know" I just wanna be like orrrr "when you rush you rush"

[Ali Kolbert @AliKolbert]

This is all a snickers commercial, right? And someone's going to hand Trump a snickers and be like "you're not you when you're hungry!"