Jake Linsalata

sorry in advance

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

I’m supposed to be a cowboy. I was never meant to know about Roth IRAs and Dante Network controllers

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Get in my car, depress the gas pedal as far as it will go, and aim for New Jersey

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Paycheck hit and I’m at the Applebees ordering off the regular menu

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Guy who goes back in time just to have the craziest run of fantasy waivers

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Funny thing ab your wish is that it’s my command

[holy terror @PleasantAndEvil]

I have to race like a piss horse

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Wind in my sails? I’ll take the Reuben

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Die complaining about your monitor mix or live long enough to fuck up someone else’s

[zelda. ࿔*:･༄˖°. @smugcatgirl]

my STUPID FUCKING JOB is getting in the way of DRINKING WITH MY FRIENDS!!

[jake @wormpuller]

Explodes you with my bald

[T @dfwtee_]

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped.

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

26-27 NBA Draft
AJ Dybantsa - Mid
Darryn Peterson - Star
Cameron Boozer - Star
Caleb Wilson - Bust
Keaton Wagler - Mid
Mikal Brown Jr - Bust
Darius Acuff Jr - Star
Kingston Flemmings - Mid
Morez Johnson Jr. - Bust
Brayden “loads of curries” Burries - Huge Ass Star

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Why did you come to the frolic circle with a drink in your hand?

[Xin Varlock @XinNBA]

I’ve got two dates marked on my calendar.

July 4, 2026
December 31, 2026

Expect fireworks.

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Hate it when I go to an empty bathroom and someone’s peeing in a poop stall. Get out the way for a #realshitter

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Sleep in a small bed bc I’m #cuddlemaxxing

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Just klarna’d a maybac 💯

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

@SunsUniTracker You give me: Put this logo on everything
I give you: my entire bank account

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Some of my favorite things in the world are $2000

[Jake Linsalata @jakelinsalata]

Drink so good I’m on Google maps trying to set my alarm 🚨 💯