james formby

Fight apathy... Or dont...

[james formby @jamesformby]

@waitwtf1 Tucked in? Ooh La La

[james formby @jamesformby]

Thinking about the time a Dr was knuckles deep in my arsehole for a prostate exam and, despite my brain begging me not to, my mouth said “hey, we should get a drink sometime”.

[james formby @jamesformby]

At this point, the amount of dead grandmothers MUST outnumber the amount of Robins flying around. Are some sharing or…

[james formby @jamesformby]

I wonder what the people who got their dicks out on Embarrassing Bodies are up to now.

[james formby @jamesformby]

Maybe, to help the NHS, the government could use some of the £350m we promised them with Brexit…

[james formby @jamesformby]

Hear me out, an ambulance service for rescuing birds called Sparrowmedics.

[james formby @jamesformby]

@teamboandtee why do you insist on using evri for delivery? Can we request another company?

[james formby @jamesformby]

@evri_parcel you are the absolute worst delivery service on earth! Your drivers just lie about businesses being closed. Do better you absolute bunch of morons!

[james formby @jamesformby]

@joncoopertweets Yes

[Jeff Tiedrich @itsJeffTiedrich]

you didn't have to tell me that the Highland Park shooter was white. I figured that out for myself when you said he was taken alive

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

Me: *ripping my shirt open like Hulk Hogan

Passport photographer: No

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

You know you bought the right fireworks when the guy running the stand gives you a high four.

[Patrick 🏳️‍🌈 @PatrickinSD]

@Barrettembee4 @richsignorelli

[james formby @jamesformby]

Imagine the danger Trump’s Secret Service guy would have been in if Trump had adult hands.

[Andrea Junker @Strandjunker]

The road to the Handmaid’s Tale world is lined with smiling people telling you to stop overreacting.

[Tony P. @Tbone7219]

I texted my wife “what's wrong" 3 hours ago and she has yet to stop typing.

[james formby @jamesformby]

@MUAtherapy Seems legit to me…

[james formby @jamesformby]

@jamieoliver @GOVUK Great work, genuinely needed. Now do hospital food please.

[Victoria Brownworth @VABVOX]

The rage I feel right now is absolutely incalculable. Who's with me?

[WBH 🇨🇦 @WayneBHay]

My American friends..are you ok down there? 😢