Janet

nobody’s fault but mine.

[Janet @janet10x]

@paneerchillli Flight attendant

[Janet @janet10x]

One martini = start a fight with my husband. Two martinis = start a fight with boyfriend. 3 martinis = make boyfriend and husband fight each other

[derek guy @dieworkwear]

this is what they said it would be like under socialism

[Sara Nelson @FlyingWithSara]

This is called “flooding the zone” in ✈️. It’s likely to lead to delays, cancelled flights, and a bad experience for everyone in and out of Chicago. Maybe focus on drastically underpaid Flight Attendants - negotiate a new contract rather than setting us up for a summer of hell.

[Corey Quinn @QuinnyPig]

I, apparently a naive idiot, had assumed that this was what “we background check our drivers” always meant.

[irα!! @solarsystern]

nobody warned me that once you enter a certain tax bracket Everybody Skis and not only that but They Assume You Also Ski

[NETTI🫐 @Blocboy_GT]

No substance i used was ever abused. Only loved

[Janet @janet10x]

@Eric_Erins Peoria packing is great for this. Or I stock up on Jewel for the month if there’s a good sale

[Kel @kelciree]

Most people love more than one person in their lifetime. Polyamory just means you’re allowed to love them all together if you want to. You don’t have to stop loving one person to love another. It’s really not as wild as people make it out to be.

[Jon Favreau @jonfavs]

Do you hear yourself??

Your federal agents shot a man ten times and you’re complaining about their fucking lunch being interrupted??

What the fuck is wrong with you??

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

MAGA went from “teachers should be required to carry guns” to “carrying a gun makes you a criminal” in record time

[BODEGA PEPTIDES @bigsnugga]

arresting the guy making 6.50 and not the guy paying him 6.50 wont fix anything, but you know that

[🏴‍☠️ @calvinfroedge]

Tim Dillon:

"You're gonna go into the grocery store and be like - why are blueberries so cheap - and they're gonna be like - we just killed the govenor of Maine - yea, we just sent special forces in and broke his neck in front of his family."

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

You know things are bad when the most boring person doing the most boring job for decades has to come out and say, “Stop trying to arrest us for doing math”

[miss information @intelligentpawg]

twitter is cigarette for the eyes

[Janet @janet10x]

Jesus Christ on a plastic sign

[cav empty @cavempty_]

(absolute rock bottom voice) ive been getting into journaling again

[oiv @Erogetism]

White people be like I’m smoking weed with my abusive mother to process trauma

[microplastics nanobubbler @facetedcarapace]

asking my boomer parents probing questions about their childhood in an attempt to microdose them with therapy