Janice drummond

[NoRisk_NoReward @noreward_norisk]

Anyone else smile and nod as they read this?

[steve @bagshaw2112]

Just got your share this 😝😝😝🤣🤣🤣

WARNING ABOUT VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM. Please share to save lives of men

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...

So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :-o

[Leeds Rhinos @leedsrhinos]

Kevin Sinfield pays tribute to his friend Rob Burrow after the former Leeds Rhinos side passed away on Sunday

[Leeds Rhinos Foundation @RugbyLeeds]

A tribute from our CEO Bob Bowman for Rob Burrow CBE. 💙💛

[Good Morning Britain @GMB]

'He just carried on going no matter what.'

Jamie Jones-Buchanan pays tribute to his former teammate Rob Burrow.

[Arif Ahmed @ArifAhmedITV]

.@leedsrhinos squad one by one greet Rob Burrow's mum and Dad before they lay some flowers outside Headingley

[Leeds Rhinos @leedsrhinos]

A tribute from Lindsey Burrow to her beloved husband

In full here https://t.co/HqV1Tff1zm

[Richard Osman @richardosman]

So happy to announce that our Thursday Murder Club line-up is complete. Alongside Dame Helen Mirren, Pierce Brosnan and Sir Ben Kingsley, we now have our Joyce. The one and only Celia Imrie! So thrilled!

[steve @bagshaw2112]

TODAYS JANET AND JOHN .
Good morning friends, today’s J&J read by Sir Terry Wogan is called ‘SHOPPING’ . Very funny . Please share so others can enjoy and please follow for more content. Have a great day #janetandjohn #terrywogan #thursday #thursdayfun

[Ellie Hall @ellievhall]

Hey @cwithers94, just FYI, your wife and kids are looking for you.

[Steve @ste_henry]

Wow what a scum bag. Please share. @vmfc_ @FA @savegrassroots @LivEchoSport

[Simon McCoy @SimonMcCoyTV]

You will laugh out loud…

[Piers Morgan @piersmorgan]

CONFIRMED: @benstokes38 isn’t human.

[Janice drummond @janicedrum]

@historyrock_ Robert plant

[Miss Mason @missmasonedu]

Hi everyone! I am trying to show my Year 5s how far a message can travel on the Internet. Can you please help by sharing this and commenting where in the world you are reading it from? Thanks 🩷

[🎸 Rock History 🎸 @historyrock_]

Led Zeppelin performing "Stairway To Heaven" at Live Aid, 1985.

This is one of Led Zeppelin's infamous return to the stage in Philadelphia's JFK Stadium in July 1985 to support Bob Geldof's international "Live Aid" event to bring relief to the Ethiopian famine.

Introduced by Phil Collins, the band takes to the stage with Tony Thompson on drums & Collins tagging along.
#LedZeppelin

[Irish Ranger (Sevvy) @VeteranIrish]

The husband leans over and asks his wife

"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
🤣🤣

[RNLI Lerwick Lifeboat @LerwickRnli]

Bigger than ever! 🎄 At around 2.8 nautical miles in height, is this the biggest tree of 2023!? 🤩 Our volunteer crew tested their navigation skills today 😉 Thanks for all your support for the last 12 months 🙏🧡🎄🎅🏻 #RNLI #SavingLivesAtSea #RespectTheWater #Shetland #Lerwick