Matt Jankowski

I lend a certain gravitas to the proceedings.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

How about a video game where you just keep tracking your package but it never arrives and you don’t even really know what you’re waiting for

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

@r00k @tuple You are going to trigger so many people with this feature. RIP your inbox as the kids say.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

TIME TO DANCE.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

When I get mail informing me that I’m part of a class action lawsuit that I was previously unaware of against a party that I feel totally neutral about I go from “yeah they’re fine” to “fuck yeah those guys totally fucked us this is long overdue” pretty quickly, and await my $11.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

I'd give Tetris a positive rating; neutral on the other two. Tetris is like if Rocky IV had less boxing and more video games, but a similar amount of ending the cold war.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Without planning it this way in advance, I recently watched all of "The Founder" (McDonalds), "Air" (Nike/Jordan) and "Tetris"; all of which are in the "not quite a documentary but definitely based on a true story" genre, and I can confirm they are all effectively the same movie.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Look, I'm not an ecologist — but if this week isn't the time to deploy Canada's Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve, I don't know when it will be the time. We could put out the fires and make the entire east coast smell like a candy factory in one swoop. #SyrupSolution

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Is there a mac menu bar app which runs a background clock and then at random times (2-3x/week) takes over the whole screen and loops this video until you click it? https://t.co/52SjSCJblF

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Has anyone done research on "Why does every communication from (or software app operated by) a school district need to change the font so much"? I swear there must be a reason. It's too common to be purely chance.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

We need a gmail button which sends something like "I broadly agree with the stance of this political outreach email you've sent me, but the copywriting and typography and stylistic choices you've made here make you look like a bunch of sociopaths" as anonymous feedback to sender.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Same feature should be in place for all school districts -- need a way to quickly and privately convey to all email senders employed by the district that just because there is a button which lets you change the font used in the email does not mean you have to click that button..

[New New York Times @NYT_first_said]

cybertroubles

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

“You guys hear about Jennifer’s incredible year? She tagged five 10+ minute intro skips. Company record for an apprentice.”

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Whatever computer science researcher invented the "skip recap" and "skip intro" technology on binge-watched streamable TV should get a goddamn medal. Honorable mention to all the interns who watched the first ~4 mins of thousands of shows to add that chapter metadata years later.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Absolutely bonkers when one of these skip intro prompts shows up like 18 minutes into the programme. That’s gotta be something you put on your annual review packet if you’re a metadata intern.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

@tobi Will you guys actually be next to a fire?

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

If having dogs as pets wasn't already an established norm and someone proposed it as a new thing to do, we'd think the idea was absurd.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

I'm ready for it. I'm ready for enhanced security.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

If you have a display which is capable of being rotated 90 degrees so that its vertical try to run it that way a few times a year. I like to imagine some responsive design folks scrolling through their stats and seeing a "574x3735" entry in there and just throwing up their hands.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Really an incredible last few days for people who love to talk about tranches and taking haircuts.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Reward value would have to be higher than whatever value he places on getting the answers this way.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

There should be an equivalent of bug bounty programs for middle school children and their assessment software.

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

I wanted to give him an achievement award, but also there should be a feedback loop between the makers of the software and the school so he'd be incentivized to report this somewhere and be rewarded (paid? extra recess?)

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Another fun one: if you've got some extra uninvested cash in a bank account, or even literally in your wallet, try to refer to it as "dry powder". Can you afford to supersize your movie popcorn?! ... absolutely! You've been keeping your powder dry for just this occassion. #powder

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

Next time you contribute to your company 401k, or buy some mutual funds in your brokerage account, or even acquire some "crypto" "currency", if someone asks what you are doing -- respond that you are "deploying capital". It's very satisfying to say that you are deploying capital!

[Matt Jankowski @jankowski]

"Hey sweet-ums, how was work today?" ... "It was great, you should have seen me at lunch. I deployed some capital at the deli near the office. Got an Italian sub and I feel like I got an immediate and outstanding return on investment. I'll deploy even more there next week".