Jared Folden

don't talk to me about the agricultural revolution (he/his)

[Jared Folden @jaredfolden]

Stack.
Stick.
Stuck.
Stock.
Steck?

[Jared Folden @jaredfolden]

We have now entered the Twilight Zone, a.k.a. the 6 days between Christmas and New Year's. Anything is possible. All known laws of human existence do not apply until Wednesday. Best of luck to you all.

[Jared Folden @jaredfolden]

@laurenashton16 Idk about you but if I see someone rolling a washing machine out of a building on a dolly, I'm not about to say anything. Extra points if they're wearing an orange vest

[Jared Folden @jaredfolden]

@WholesaleAustin açaí

[Jared Folden @jaredfolden]

@laurenashton16 So did you take it???

[Jared Folden @jaredfolden]

@WholesaleAustin Easy German isn't comedy, but it's pretty good for current events and culture related stuff!

[Jared Folden @jaredfolden]

I hope people don't think I'm trying to act cool when I take forever to respond to their texts. The real reason for the slow turnover is that I genuinely am cool.

[Austin🏺 @WholesaleAustin]

Casual weather fans, avert your eyes!

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

I don’t know why we stopped doing show and tell after kindergarten. All my stuff is so much cooler now.

[Jared Folden @jaredfolden]

I feel like it's a red flag if you aren't like this

[ماركوس @mrqqus]

“I’m not a morning person.” “I hate Mondays.” “Don’t talk to me before 12pm.” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[Jared Folden @jaredfolden]

What were y'all expecting the Zodiac Killer to be called? Lucifer? Slashton? Killy McKillKill? I think one of the key qualifications of being a serial killer is not having a name which implies that you are a serial killer.

[Austin🏺 @WholesaleAustin]

The chip on my debit card has been fucked for a while, but today when I put it in the machine the reader literally shut off and rebooted. Humiliating. I had to wait for like two minutes then the cashier just told me to take my Propel and leave

[Austin🏺 @WholesaleAustin]

99% will scroll past and won’t share…

For the 1%, copy this post and tweet “I Support #GothWomenInSTEM “

[Austin🏺 @WholesaleAustin]

Seeing all the trees falling down from Ida winds makes me wonder if nature will eventually select for leaves that detach from wind force before roots lose their grip on the soil. I figure a tree could just enter an early winter rather than get completely uprooted

[Austin🏺 @WholesaleAustin]

The past tense of Uber eats is Uberate

[Austin🏺 @WholesaleAustin]

The funniest crime I’ve ever heard someone commit was my own father, who got fined and had to go to court for selling flowers without a florist’s license in Santa Clara County, CA

[Austin🏺 @WholesaleAustin]

Short selling the DVDs from the library, hoping I can find one at goodwill before the due date. Late fees have really been eating into my profits